Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site peora.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!vax135!petsd!peora!jer From: jer@peora.UUCP (J. Eric Roskos) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Friendship before/after SOship Message-ID: <1056@peora.UUCP> Date: Wed, 12-Jun-85 08:47:07 EDT Article-I.D.: peora.1056 Posted: Wed Jun 12 08:47:07 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 13-Jun-85 01:49:20 EDT References: <681@udenva.UUCP> <1560059@acf4.UUCP> <1264@houxm.UUCP> <244@azure.UUCP> <1323@hammer.UUCP> Organization: Perkin-Elmer SDC, Orlando, Fl. Lines: 37 >>> to start romantic attachments with them, because the breakup might destroy >>> the friendship. > >> Another problem which I have observed is that when two members of >>a group friends have a relationship, and then break, it almost inevitably >>destroys the group of friends along with it. This is because the others >>in the group are forced to take sides. > >Why is everyone so afraid of hurting friendships with romance? Well, for one thing, the situation described in the ">>" extract above was based on an observation of high school students. It is fairly characteristic of people of high-school age that they have less of a personal identity than a group identity; thus the need to "take sides". This property persists, to varying degrees, in older people, depending on the extent of their personal and emotional development. I think that it is definitely possible to "hurt friendships with romance;" the problem is the fear of doing so inhibiting the development of new relationships. People who are afraid of this situation tend, in my observation, to have troubled and shallow "romantic" relationships, in general, since the only people they will allow such relationships to develop with are those to whom they are not close as friends. But such an approach runs the considerable risk of hurting the romance with non- friendship (or plain incompatibility), although people seem to be more accustomed to painful ends of romantic relationships than of the "friendship" sort. Although I have also known people who had a fear of the painful end of romantic relationships, and so would not risk those, either... -- Full-Name: J. Eric Roskos UUCP: ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jer US Mail: MS 795; Perkin-Elmer SDC; 2486 Sand Lake Road, Orlando, FL 32809-7642 "Gnyx gb gur fhayvtug, pnyyre..."