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From: jss@sjuvax.UUCP (J. Shapiro)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: Friendship before/after SOship
Message-ID: <1175@sjuvax.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 15-Jun-85 01:37:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: sjuvax.1175
Posted: Sat Jun 15 01:37:46 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 18-Jun-85 04:09:43 EDT
References: <1323@hammer.UUCP> <1560073@acf4.UUCP>
Organization: Haverford College, Haverford, Pa.
Lines: 35

> >/* seifert@hammer.UUCP (Snoopy) / 12:50 pm  Jun  9, 1985 */
> 
> >Why is everyone so afraid of hurting friendships with romance?
> >What percentage of breakups are unfriendly?  I can't imagine
> >not remaining friends with an SO after a breakup.

Subjectively, I have observed that if one or both of the people
involved in the relationship is posessive, it is far less likely that
when the relationship ends the couple will remain friends.  Where a
friendship, which did not imply any form of "posession" (used loosely)
was able to function, a closer relationship begins in our sad society
to take on some aspects of posession. Posessive people often find it
hard to reconcile the notion that something or someone isn't theirs
anymore.

I have made an effort in my own relationships to recall that there
sometimes comes a time when it is time to move on.  People grow in
different directions.  This isn't necessarily a bad reflection on the
people (quite the contrary!).  My girlfriend (off and on - 3 years)
commented recently that I am one of the least posessive people she knows.
I take that as a complement.  The first time we broke up we both had a
lot of growing to do, and pain made communication very difficult.  We
will always have growing up to do, but with all of the pain, I have no
closer friend and no better partner.

In any case, it seems to work.  Of all the people I have gone out
with in the past 4 years, only one is not now a friend.  The reasons
for that are outside of my control - a false rumor was attributed to
me for which she has never forgiven me, though it wasn't me - to this
day I think about that lost friendship with a great deal of
bitterness.

Jonathan S. Shapiro
Haverford College