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From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Intelligence (mild flame)
Message-ID: <458@unc.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 16-Jun-85 23:12:35 EDT
Article-I.D.: unc.458
Posted: Sun Jun 16 23:12:35 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 19-Jun-85 03:26:19 EDT
References: <456@ttidcc.UUCP> <457@ttidcc.UUCP> <228@tove.UUCP> <1466@watdcsu.UUCP> <tove.236> <446@unc.UUCP> <tove.237>
Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill
Lines: 53
Xref: watmath net.singles:7390 net.social:686
Summary: 


In article <tove.237> dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) writes:
>Judging from your recent berating of Greg Woods for his dislike of opening
>lines, and your previous references to books on "how to pick up girls",
>etc., I suspect I "prepare for social encounters" in rather different ways
>than you do.
>Part of what "improving one's social skills" means to me is developing the
>ability to be both comfortable and spontaneous (in appropriate ways) in
>social situations.  For me, at least, that doesn't involve memorizing
>opening lines.

You have a very good point.  How you prepare for social encounters
really depends on where your difficulties lay.  Suppose you are in the
mood to meet someone new, and suddenly you see an attractive prospect.
What is your reaction?  If you think:

	"Gosh, I'd like to meet her, but I'm too scared to approach her."

then you need to learn to be relaxed, comfortable and spontaneous, as
you stated.

But if your first reaction is:

	"Gosh, I have no idea what to say to her."

then you would benefit from learning some opening lines.  Not that you
would recite one in cookbook fashion, but rather to get an idea of what
sort of approachs might be appropriate (and you may be lucky; one of the
lines may be just right for the situation).

Of course, the opening line only gets her attention.  In the February 1978
edition of Oui magazine (Oui was then owned by Playboy Enterprises,
and was not the trashy rag you see on the stands today), Eric Weber
published an article, "Beyond the Opening Line."  To paraphrase his
opening paragraphs, suppose you walk up to the woman and say:

	"Haven't I met you somewhere before?"

If she replies,

	"No, thank God!"
or
	"Yes.  Let's f*ck!"

Then you know what to do.  But if she looks you over and says:

	"I don't know, maybe."

then what do you do next?  Eric then offered some good ideas for keeping
things moving.  They helped me.  I don't know what more to say.
Alot of you guys seem to be rejecting ideas that you haven't even heard.

	Frank Silbermann