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From: carnes@gargoyle.UChicago.UUCP (Richard Carnes)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Intelligence
Message-ID: <478@gargoyle.UChicago.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 10-Jun-85 16:35:52 EDT
Article-I.D.: gargoyle.478
Posted: Mon Jun 10 16:35:52 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 11-Jun-85 05:04:43 EDT
Organization: U. Chicago - Computer Science
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Xref: watmath net.singles:7239 net.social:638

In article <>  fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) writes:

> Then, on the second day, we came across
> an older man bouncing his pre-school daughter (or grand-daughter)
> into the air and catching her.  The child was gigling.  My friend said,
> "I used to love it when my father did that to me."
> ...
> After it ended, we were still friends, so I asked her what had
> attracted her to me in the first place.  She said, "I first noticed
> my feelings for you after you threw me up in the air at that resort."
> Now this lady is certainly no jock groupie.  Most of her other
> dates were computer nerds like me.  Yet, it was a showing of raw,
> stupid machismo that got her hormones flowing.

I doubt it.  She had just said that her father used to do that to
her, and she loved it.  By tossing her in the air Frank symbolically
took on the role of her father, who showed his love for her by this
kind of play.  No wonder she started having positive feelings for
Frank, since he literally reenacted a relationship that must have
been very meaningful and positive for her, to judge from her
spontaneous remark when she saw the child being tossed.  I doubt that
Frank could have achieved the same result by bench-pressing 300 lbs.
or beating up six rival suitors.  

People are always attempting (unconsciously) to recreate with other
people childhood relationships (generally with parents) that were
important to them, and this plays a major role in determining who you
fall in love with and the course the relationship takes.  

> It is common among many animals in nature that when mating, the female
> chooses the male who is the best physical specimen.  This gives the
> children two advantages -- a greater likelihood of growing up to be equally
> strong, and the greater protection from a father who is dominant in the 
> herd.  Such instincts probably influence human mating even today.

Perhaps.  But given that cooperation and sharing are basic to the
human species (see recent work in paleoanthropology) a woman's
offspring would have a selective advantage if her mate was not only
strong but used his strength to the advantage of his family.  In
other words, if he cared for them.  But these biological arguments
can only be speculative at this point, in my opinion.  

> You can spend your time whining about
> how the world SHOULD be, or you can recognize the way it IS,
> deal with it, and achieve your goals.

Good advice, but first make sure you have a correct understanding of
the way the world is.  In the real world, women not only go for the
Tom Selleck types who resemble a side of beef and have a
corresponding IQ (no insult to Selleck intended), but they also go
for the Dudley Moores, the Woody Allens, and the Billy Joels.  In the
long run, trying to be the dominant bull of the herd is a less
effective strategy than being a caring and loving person with a lot
to give.

Richard Carnes, ihnp4!gargoyle!carnes