Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/28/84 based on 9/17/84; site azure.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxj!mhuxt!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!teklds!azure!chrisa From: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen) Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social Subject: Re: Intelligence (mild flame) Message-ID: <270@azure.UUCP> Date: Sun, 16-Jun-85 02:55:52 EDT Article-I.D.: azure.270 Posted: Sun Jun 16 02:55:52 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 17-Jun-85 04:22:17 EDT References: <1466@watdcsu.UUCP> <1435@mtx5b.UUCP> Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR Lines: 64 Xref: watmath net.singles:7328 net.social:666 > I'm coming to realize that this is true for me. I've always taken >great joy in understanding things. When I sat up one night at the begining >of 12th grade and read ahead in the calculus text, and discovered how limits >turn into derivatives, I was ecstatic. Suddenly my whole understanding of the >world had room to expand -- to explode. There's no way I could ever share that >with people. I'd be rejected out of hand -- and I have been. I had much of the same problem, though I was lucky enough to have parents with whom I could share this knowledge without getting blank looks in return. > Fact is, I have so much anger and hurt stored up over this that sharing >simple things with the people around me is very painful. When my officemate >(a wonderful lady, and a dear friend) is excited about her new outfit, or about >where whe will be going on vacation or ..., I just cannot share the joy she >feels. It just hurts too damn much. Over the years I have become numb to what makes the rest of the world run. Things like fashion, looks, etc. just don't seem that important to me. Because of this, I have so little opportunity to get into the conversations of others I happen to being hanging around with. Usually, whenever I'm with a group of people, I end up sitting on the sidelines listening to what they're saying and finding I have nothing to contribute. I feel in this situation like I have no anchor holding me down to reality. What's worse, I can't explain this problem to them because I subconsciously feel that they *really* don't give a damn about my personal problems (it doesn't have anything to do with them). > I lost 90 lbs a few years ago (since gaining it back) All my friends >and relatives were delighted. When I look back, I can't understand how I >didn't realize that I was seething with anger -- anger about how they could >want me to be joyful with them on my behalf about the mere removal of a >negative factor (see the two-factor theory, often discussed along with Theory X >and Theory Y, or send me mail) after they rejected the things that were really >important to me. ditto again. So many people around me seem to be hung up on what I consider to be such unimportant things. You may ask, "what do you consider important", and frankly, I can't tell you. I've begun to lose all conception of what is important to me because: 1) What is important to me is unimportant to everyone else, and 2) if I want to get to know everyone else, I have to ignore what I consider important to listen to what they consider to be important. > Recently, a friend told me that he had the same experience, only with >appreciating things of nature -- being deeply moved by them -- rather than >with the technical insight that is dear to me. For me, it would have to be the wonderment and joy I feel at the totality of creation (boy isn't that a loaded sentence (<--ignore this, it's just me trying to be cute for cuteness sake (*sigh*))). > What we have is a chasm, seperating the emotional worlds of some >of us highly focused individuals from the emotional worlds of most others. >I want to bridge that chasm, and I expect it will be long and painful, but >I see no other way. My best wishes, and my sympathy, to anyone on a similar >voyage. And from me to you, the same. > from Mole End Mark Terribile Chris Andersen (just another piece of flotsom in this thing called life)