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From: crs@lanl.ARPA
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Rape vs. murder
Message-ID: <27053@lanl.ARPA>
Date: Mon, 10-Jun-85 15:01:39 EDT
Article-I.D.: lanl.27053
Posted: Mon Jun 10 15:01:39 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 15-Jun-85 07:06:11 EDT
References: <560@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>, <5369@tekecs.UUCP> <626@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>
Organization: Los Alamos National Laboratory
Lines: 87

I am not trying to minimize the horror of rape nor am I trying to poke
fun at your views.  You obviously feel very deeply about the matter.
I agree that rape is a horrible crime.  I also understand your point
about being willing to fight, risking death, to avoid rape.

BUT...

I don't believe that *anyone* has *ever* recovered from being murdered.

> But recovering from a rape to the point where
> one can again lead a normal life, and have normal, healthy, *necessary*
> relationships with the men around you, *requires* a strength so far
> beyond any I've ever seen under any other circumstances that it's almost
> beyond my comprehension.  And finding that strength that you need just
> to be able to move again is such an *agonizing* process, and it almost
> always takes *years*, and I've been hurt so deeply just watching people
> I've cared about go thru it, that I'm just not at all sure that I could
> go thru it myself.  Having never been either raped or murdered, I can't
> say for sure which I'd really prefer.  But if I was ever threatened with
> rape, I think that I'd fight like I'm willing to risk being killed.  I
> think that's what I meant when I said I'd rather be murdered than raped.

I repeat, I respect your belief that you would rather risk death
fighting off a potential rapist than submit to rape.  I hope you never
have to test that belief.  (I mean that sincerely, not as any
suggestion that your belif is unfounded.)

> 
> And I said it in response to someone who said that "murder is worse than
> rape" so blithely that I wanted to be sure that he understood what it was
> he was talking about, and that that ranking is not necessarily obvious to
> people who've had to deal with the reality of rape.  

I'm sorry to say that I missed the original article so I can only
conjecture.  Perhaps the statement was made "so blithely" because the
writer thought, as I do, that it is pretty obvious (for the reason I
stated above, i.e. *no one* has ever recovered from murder).  I don't
think that that minimizes the horror of rape.  It merely faces the
reality that murder is forever.

> We may ultimately
> agree with his ranking, but it requires more thought than he seemed to be
> giving it.

One is rarely able to present the entire line of reasoning that leads
to a conclusion, especially on the net.

> I think the distance in this case *prevents* a realistic per-
> spective. 

While I agree that the probability of rape is so much greater for
women than for men that it is almost exclusively something that women
face I don't agree with this sentence.  To believe this, one must
believe it necessary to be the victim of murder to have a "realistic
perspective" about murder.  Overstatement?  Of course.  But pick your
own weaker case.  I cannot agree that one cannot have a "realistic
perspective" about murder without having been close to it and I cannot
agree that one cannot have a "realistic perspective" about rape *just*
because one is a man.

> I'd really like for men in general to really understand what it
> means to be raped,

I couldn't agree more.  Men *in general* probably don't understand
and, probably, few men *really* understand but many of us try.  I
would like to see many more of us try.

> and to give the women who've just survived it, let
> alone recovered from it, credit for having strength beyond any they could
> possibly imagine.  And, of course, to help us fight like hell to end it
> forever.
> 
> I think that's as thoughtful a response as I can give you.  I hope it
> suffices.
> 
> -- 
> 
> --JB                                          Life is just a bowl.


Charlie Sorsby
...!{cmcl2,ihnp4,...}!lanl!crs
crs@lanl.arpa
-- 
Charlie Sorsby
...!{cmcl2,ihnp4,...}!lanl!crs
crs@lanl.arpa