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From: beth@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Beth Christy)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Complimenting Strangers
Message-ID: <663@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 13-Jun-85 22:21:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: sphinx.663
Posted: Thu Jun 13 22:21:13 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 18-Jun-85 06:24:34 EDT
References: <14950@watmath.UUCP>
Organization: U. Chicago - Computation Center
Lines: 54

[keep :-)ing]

>Sometimes, I'll see a woman, who is smiling, seems glad to be alive, and
>looks nice.  And I'll want to say something like "it's really nice seeing
>a nice looking woman smiling on a nice sunny spring day" and then walk on.
>(Well, maybe not something that sounds quite that stupid ... :-) )
>
>But, I don't want to be rude, and I don't want it to sound like I'm coming
>on to her (well, at least not every time :-) ), and I don't want to make her
>feel uncomfortable having this strange guy coming up to her.
>
>How do the women on the net feel about things like this?  Would it be
>acceptable behaviour?  (assuming of course that it's not a dark and stormy
>night, or some other discomforting situation).
>
>John

FIRST AND FOREMOST:
When there's *any* hint of a come-on, or of disrespect, I find comments
from strangers *most* distateful and don't respond, shall we say, positively.

Now for the good news:
But I find it rather pleasant when people compliment me simply as an
expression of pleasure. ... I wanna give you some lovely philosophy
about how I enjoy "bringing a ray of sunshine into someone else's day",
but I think that's bullshit.  I think I just plain like getting
complimented. :-)

Followed closely by mindless babblings of a tired woman:
Frankly, part of me's kinda sorry to see people worrying so much.
Don't get me wrong - I think it's *very* important to be sensitive to
other people's feelings, and I encourage *some* introspection into
every aspect of one's life.  And, John, I'm glad to see you asking the
question, 'cause (I think) it means you're looking at your behavior
because you truly want to avoid offending women, and that you're open
to the response.  But, well, I just wanna say "don't freeze up on us".
If you truly are open to how other people respond to you, if you truly
will change your behavior if you find other people taking offense, well
then you have a good heart.  So trust it, and follow it.  Good hearts
are hard to find, and sometimes I regret that they're the ones who are
so careful that they sometimes don't open up and show themselves.  You
may offend *some* people - some people are offended by *anything*.  But
if you can be sensitive to the effects you're having in a particular
situation, well then trust yourself and your good heart.  Don't worry
so much that you freeze up.  Relax and enjoy yourself, and the people
around you.

More than you bargained for, eh?  Well, ok, I'll quit babbling.
Hang in, and keep :-)ing.

-- 

--JB                                          Life is just a bowl.