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From: whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Jeff Sonntag: You lucky S.O.B......
Message-ID: <448@tymix.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 23-Jun-85 00:10:54 EDT
Article-I.D.: tymix.448
Posted: Sun Jun 23 00:10:54 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 20-Jun-85 09:22:19 EDT
References: <251@timeinc.UUCP>
Reply-To: whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst)
Distribution: net
Organization: Tymnet Inc., Cupertino CA
Lines: 75
Summary: comments on Ross Greenberg's questions.

O.K. Ross, lets discuss a few of these topics 

In article <251@timeinc.UUCP> greenber@timeinc.UUCP (Ross M. Greenberg) writes:
>
>...
> You've never made an innocent comment
>and had it taken as a sexist one? 

I have had innocent comments taken as sex related comments, and probably as
sexist also.  Ambiguity is a problem with human language.  The only
solution I have found is to clarify the comment as soon as the mistaken
meaning is noticed. Or to ignore it and let people realize the comment does
not fit my style and that I must have meant something else.

>You've never held a door open for a 
>women and been scorned for doing it.

I actually enjoy having the door open for me.  (I didn't in my earlier
years!)  I also find myself opening doors for others.  
I decided a few years ago the appropriate response to having a door held
open was a smile and a "thank you".  Most men do it out of courtesy, and
those who have other reasons are not going to change because I am rude to
them.

>How about paying for dinner --- you
>never had a problem with who pays based on sex?  

When it isn't a date, I pay my own way.  Otherwise the person who suggested
the dinner should be able to cover it all, or let it be known that the tab
is being split or covered by the other person before ordering.

>You've never seen a
>women that appeals to you and are afraid to say "Hi", cause you don't
>want to appear to be coming onto her.  

I find this one hard to comment on.  If you had left out the "appeals to
you" part I could say that her reaction to your greeting should decide
whether you wish to continue the conversation.  I am also uncertain about
your definition of "coming onto her".  There are a lot of reason women do
not want to talk to anyone else besides feeling that the man is "coming
onto" them.  They could be distracted with other problems, not want to
interrupt their current activity, or they could just be relishing the solitide. If you
want to develop any kind of relationship, you have to risk rejection.
And the rejection may have nothing to do with you.

>You've never wanted to have a
>person that you can speak to that happens to be of the opposite sex
>not want to speak to you because of your sex?  

Lots of times!  I can remember sitting in on conversations in college
and having my comments ignored because all the guys felt I had nothing
to contribute. One of them would make the same comment and it was *great*.
I eventually found others to hang around with.

>You've never met one of
>those rabid manhaters we all hear about that hates you for your genitilia?

I don't remember anyone hating me because I was a woman.  I remember people
not taking my goals and dreams seriously. I remember hating some
institutions that allowed boys more privledges and responsibilities that
girls based on their genitilia. That was a long time ago, I don't hang 
around such places or people now, whenever I can avoid it.

>-- 
>------------------------------------------------------------------
>Ross M. Greenberg  @ Time Inc, New York 
>              --------->{ihnp4 | vax135}!timeinc!greenber<---------
>

See, men aren't the only ones who have these problems.  The are 
people problems created by differing attitudes and expectations.
We just learn to live around it and do what we feel is best.  It isn't
always easy.

-PKW-