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From: keith@uiucme.uiucme
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: RE: Space Whoopee
Message-ID: <500015@uiucme>
Date: Wed, 17-Jul-85 11:04:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: uiucme.500015
Posted: Wed Jul 17 11:04:00 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 20-Jul-85 05:01:33 EDT
References: <646@bgsuvax.UUCP>
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Nf-ID: #R:bgsuvax.UUCP:-64600:uiucme:500015:000:2977
Nf-From: uiucme.uiucme!keith    Jul 17 10:04:00 1985


>> Larry
and
>Steven Schultz
write:

>> Question: How do you avoid moving from a stationary point in space while
>> having intimate relations.

The Deep Space Project responds:

You need to do more reading about how the orientals engaged in epicurean
delights.  Several possibilities suggest themselves:

     -  Toeholds (already in place on the shuttle).  With some minor
        configuration changes we could accomodate front-to-front
        (to be named the "Mission" position), front-to-back ("Sirius"
        - or perhaps "Serious" style), or back-to-back ("headache"
        or "bickering").

     -  A swing.  This design is several hundred years old.  One sling
        of a suitable high-tech fabric (preferrably satiny in texture)
        for each leg of the female.  Attach it to the overhead, and use
        a spring or shock cord to do what gravity does when the Japanese
        hang it from a cherry tree.

     -  Our personal favorite is the X-69 "nap sack".  This is similar to
        the sleeping bags currently in use for sleeping, with some extra
        fabric to accomodate more mass.  There is a very hot debate raging
        over how much space to allow, and whether to install some elasticity
        to accomodate excess motions.  The advantage of this approach, 
        regardless of the details involved, is the extra excitement provided
        by the need to do some holding-on, plus the in-bag textural
        environment.  We expect the bag to double as a darkroom.

One of the astronauts was unkind enough to ask why we would want to remain
stationary while in the act.  We chose to ignore the question, but later we
worked out a set of spurious exdplanations about switches being changed by
accidental contact.

We recommend you do some thinking about the physics of copulation in
null-gee environments.  Use your hands as small figures to work out some of
the details.  Use your imagination, or that of a close friend, to develop
some scenarios.

>Does lust count for anything?

Lust counts for EVERYTHING

>> I understand the first space based birth control device will be called
>> the heat shield :-)
>And I heard that these "heat sheilds" are having problems.  They are falling
>off and cracking during 'liftoff' and especially during 'reentry'.
>Any truth to these rumours? :-)

NO!  We have done a lot of work in this area, involving carefully controlled
experiments.  No such phenomona have even been encountered.  We are a little
concerned about the tiles changing color slightly . . . .

Oddly enough, the Manned Spaceflight Center keeps referring us to Greenbelt
for project overview.


{wouldn't it be funny if some of this were based on fact?}



:r .signature
Keith
U of Ill Mech Eng
uiucdcs!uiucme!keith

lanoitnetninu ylerup si daed ro gnivil nosrep yna ot ecnalbmeseR


"I wouldn't worray about it.  After all, she's probably had that tatoo
for years.  It never shows unless she . . .     Oh.  I see what you mean."