Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site gargoyle.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!gargoyle!scott
From: scott@gargoyle.UUCP (Scott Deerwester)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Learning English the hard way.
Message-ID: <531@gargoyle.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 26-Jul-85 10:55:43 EDT
Article-I.D.: gargoyle.531
Posted: Fri Jul 26 10:55:43 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 29-Jul-85 05:09:46 EDT
Reply-To: scott@gargoyle.UUCP (& Deerwester)
Organization: U. Chicago, Astronomy & Astrophysics
Lines: 93

The book "Fifty Lessons of English Conversation" was published in
Hong Kong in 1950.  Its author had evidently known somebody once who
spoke a little English (poorly), but that apparently in the extent of
his acquaintance with the language.  I confiscated my copy from my
mother-in-law, who was actually trying to learn English using this
thing.  The following are excerpts from the book.

A. What do you want, sir?
B. I want to buy a pound of orange.  How much is the price?
A. One hundred dollars per pound.
B. Give me three pounds.
A. Yes, sir.  Anything else?
B. How about the soda biscuit?
A. It's five hundred dollars per pound.
B. Too dear!  Can you reduce the price?
A. No, our price is reasonable.  But, if you buy five pounds, I will
   make ten percent discount.
B. All right.  Give me five pounds.
A. Any more?
B. I want two pounds of beef and one pound of banana more.
A. Welcome.
B. Is your beef fresh.
A. Oh, yes.  The cow is just killed this morning.

Not *too* bad, huh?  Read on...

A. Excuse me, please weigh this letter see whether it is over weight.
B. It's over weight, sir.
A. How postage should add, then?
B. You may pay twenty dollars of stamp extra.
A. I want to have registered.
B. Single registration or double one?
A. Are postage same?
B. No, single registration is fifty dollars, but double one is eighty
   dollars.
A. Which is the fastest way to send a letter?
B. The fastest way is by express.
A. How much does it charge.
B. It charge only seventy dollars.
A. Let me have express, then.  And you make money order business,
   don't you?
B. Yes, we do.
A. Please give me a blank form, let me fill all up.
B. Yes, sir.  Here it is.

and now for my favorite line in the whole book.  This is Mr. Lee
speaking, giving his explanation of his son's recent death:

 My son is too diligent to study.  As I am unable to supply him to
 enter university, he becomes a self-made man, since he graduated from
 academy.  The over-work, probably, is his the only fatal.

Just one more.  This one is entitled "About Wedding".

Chen: I haven't seen you for a long time.  How are you getting along?
Liu:  Hullo!  Mr. Chen, how do you do?  My life goes on quite
      smoothly.  Nothing particular to state.  (smile)
Chen: Really?  Would you please tell the truth to your intimate
      friend?
Liu:  What news have you got?
Chen: Let me congratulate you have a happy marriage.
Liu:  How do you know that?  (surprised)
Chen: I am told by Mr. Chow, our classmate.  Isn't that a good news?
Liu:  It is not necessary for me to mention it.
Chen: Why?
Liu:  Though the war is over, but the standard of living becomes
      higher and higher.  Marriage, therefore, is a difficult problem
      for us to settle.
Chen: Not exactly.  So far as I know, Miss. Young, your fiancee, is a
      well-educated lady.  I am sure you can find a lots help from
      her.
Liu:  Yes, she is college graduate, has abundant book knowledge, but
      lacks social experience.
Chen: It's only time being.  Knowledge is the foundation of doing
      anything.  Few years later, she will become a capable lady.
Liu:  I hope so.
Chen: When will your wedding day be held?
Liu:  Our wedding day will be held next Sunday.
Chen: Where will the wedding ceremony be taken?
Liu:  For sake of saving so much expenses, we have fixed to take
      our wedding ceremony in the church.
Chen: That's good idea.
Liu:  Would you please join our party?
Chen: Certainly I would.  And I wish you both live as Darby and Joan.
-- 
 
	Scott Deerwester
	Graduate Library School
	University of Chicago

...!ihnp4!gargoyle!scott	UUCP
scott@UChicago.CSNet		CSNet
scott@UChicago.ARPA		ARPA