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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!oliveb!tymix!whitehur
From: whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: My first baby
Message-ID: <472@tymix.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 1-Aug-85 12:44:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: tymix.472
Posted: Thu Aug  1 12:44:13 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 3-Aug-85 02:31:49 EDT
References: <3484@cornell.UUCP>
Reply-To: whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst)
Organization: Tymnet Inc., Cupertino CA
Lines: 56
Keywords: I'm so excited!
Summary: Congrats and some advice

In article <3484@cornell.UUCP> martin@cornell.UUCP (Susan Martin) writes:
>
>    I have recently learned that I'm going to be a mother!

Congratulations!!

>I'm 28, single, and a lowly secretary.  Although I like to think I have
>some emotional support from my SO, we currently live apart (my doing), and
>he doesn't contribute anything financially.
>
>    I'm really scared to death.  
>Since my salary is not that great at all,
>I am finding it difficult figuring out how I can possibily afford this!
>I have the support of my family and friends, all of whom are contributing
>just about everything I'll need to get started.  
>
>    Also, if I marry the baby's father, he'll have the right to tell me what
>to do and how to bring up my child.  

A husband does not have the right to tell his wife what to do or how to
bring up their child! Activites which effect both parents and/or the
children can be resolved by discussion and compromise.  If either person
believes they have a right to tell the other what to do, or refuses to 
discuss or compromise when differences arise, then the marriage will
have problems.

>On the other hand, if I don't marry him,
>he'll be under no legal obligation to help out, but also won't be able to tell
>me how to do things.

You may want to check with a lawyer on that one (if it is important to
you).  I think, at least in some states, if a man admits he is the father,
or maybe if he can't prove he is not(?), he will have to help support the
child.

>
>    I would never be able to have an abortion at this point in my life, nor
>would I give the child away to some needy couple.  The only good thing about
>all this is the fact that Ithaca, NY seems to be as good a place as any to
>bring up the child as a single parent with occasional help from the father.
>
>    I am not really seeking advice, but would accept it if it were offered.
>I just really wanted to express these thoughts on the net, and to let you
>know that I now have a legitimate reason (if not a legitimite child!) for
>reading this newsgroup!
>
>
>Upstate New Yorkishly yours,
>
>Susan A. Martin
>a.k.a. SAM

-- 

           PKW 
hplabs!oliveb!tymix!whitehur