Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site luke.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!whuxl!houxm!ihnp4!qantel!hplabs!oliveb!bene!luke!itkin From: itkin@luke.UUCP (Steven List) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Sibling presence at childbirth Message-ID: <306@luke.UUCP> Date: Sat, 3-Aug-85 21:15:36 EDT Article-I.D.: luke.306 Posted: Sat Aug 3 21:15:36 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 5-Aug-85 07:36:21 EDT Reply-To: itkin@luke.UUCP (Steven List) Followup-To: net.kids Distribution: net Organization: Benetics Corp, Mt.View, CA Lines: 65 Keywords: birth center siblings childbirth Summary: [start mild flame] Well gang, I'm truly disappointed. I announced the birth of our daughter and mentioned the presence of her older sister, suggesting that maybe some discussion might be interesting. NOTHING! Did I miss something? Has this issue been discussed to death? This is something very important and relevant, I think. [end flame - start discussion] Several (potential) parents have written me saying they are interested in such a discussion. Since nothing ensued from my announcement, I'd like to start one here. To recap a little bit, we had planned to have our almost four year old daughter present at the birth of our next child. To prepare her, we had showed her videotape of our two year old son's birth, bought and shared some books (we found several excellent ones), and discussed it quite a bit. When Debbie went into labor three weeks early, we were fortunately prepared. Almost! In the ABC at Good Samaritan Hospital the OB advised us that sibling presence had to be approved by an Executive Committee, and that we hadn't submitted the forms. He further advised us that he was opposed to it! This was a surprise and a shock to Debbie who was fully emotionally committed to this. The doctor said that the reason for the committee and his opposition was that there are three children in the area under psychiatric care due to the trauma of witnessing a sibling's birth. Those children had been prepared too, he said. Being fearless, we nonetheless requested that something be done. The doctor, in spite of his reservations, arranged everything, and we received verbal approval within fifteen minutes. Our daughter not only survived quite well, but was fascinated and thrilled at the whole experience. We videotaped this event also, and its clear in the tape that she loved every minute of it. Her presence created a special bond between her (Sarah) and her new sister (Samantha). Also, our son (Matthew) came in shortly after and participated in the Leboyer bath. The bonding from this shared birth is astounding. Both children (not to mention their parents) adore their sister. They are very protective and loving and gentle (she's 12 days old today). Debbie and I felt that this was an incomparable experience, and would have been very sad not to have shared it. I've recently spoken with a colleague whose wife is due to deliver their baby in mid-september. They have three older children (10, 9, and 3), and Marcia would like them to be present. Pete is kind of casual and doesn't really want them there. I confess that I'm somewhat astounded. But then, some people don't want to have to share and divide their attention (this is not meant as a criticism, just trying to understand these aliens). As with photographing and videotaping the event (another topic altogether), YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND REDO IT IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND LATER. This is exactly what happened to us with Sarah (our first). We didn't videotape it and really regret it now. Fortunately, we have some excellent pictures taken by my father (ok, let's hear it from those who can't understand this either). Anyway, I'm really interested to hear some discussion of this (and so are some others, I know). If you have some personal questions (or criticisms), please mail them to me. If they are appropriate, I'll share them with the net. Otherwise, go ahead and followup. -- *** * Steven List @ Benetics Corporation, Mt. View, CA * Just part of the stock at "Uncle Bene's Farm" * {cdp,greipa,idi,oliveb,sun,tolerant}!bene!luke!itkin ***