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From: warack@aero.ARPA (Chris Warack )
Newsgroups: net.philosophy
Subject: Re: Re: marriage = commitment
Message-ID: <275@aero.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 17-Jul-85 14:24:32 EDT
Article-I.D.: aero.275
Posted: Wed Jul 17 14:24:32 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 21-Jul-85 00:20:03 EDT
References: <508@ttidcc.UUCP> <485@oliveb.UUCP> <684@lll-crg.ARPA> <500@oliveb.UUCP> <1204@pyuxd.UUCP>
Reply-To: warack@aero.UUCP (Chris Warack (5734))
Organization: The Aerospace Corp., El Segundo, CA
Lines: 56

In article <1204@pyuxd.UUCP> rlr@pyuxd.UUCP (Rich Rosen) writes:
>>>I've heard a lot of talk about how getting married can ruin things...
>>>...  [REA SIMPSON]
>
>> I don't know why  it  happened,  but  when  I  got  married  something
>> changed.  We  both noticed it and had a few minor arguments because of
>> it.  In our case, though, all  it  took  was  to  recognise  what  was
>> happening and make an extra effort to be more tollerent. [ROBERT A. PEASE]
>
>It seems that the worst thing that marriage does to two people is the way
>it makes them take each other for granted.  As if, throughout "courtship",
>they were just playing up their good side, showing off their good points
>and hiding their flaws; but once the rings are exchanged, he's (she's) got
>her (him)!  No longer does either one have to worry about "making a good
>impression" on the other one.  Leave your clothes all over the place,
>don't bother paying any attention to your appearance, be a general slob
>and/or boor, don't bother putting up the front of consideration, etc.

I've thought about this a lot.  [Especially since recently married.]
It does seem that people hide their bad points, or at least cover them
up during courtship.  However, it isn't totally true that they drop
the "front of consideration" after marriage.  It might just be that they
can no longer keep it up.  In a regular courtship, people aren't seeing
each other as much as they will in marriage.  It's easy to put up fronts
when around each other.  Even when living together, there is a sense
that this is temporary [Not always, I admit].

Once the relationship becomes permanent, some psychological? priorities
change.  Maybe even a feeling that I can't keep this up forever, so I
better let go.  I conjecture that most of this stuff is sub-conscious and
that is why it leads to so many problems in marriage.  If it is brought out
into a person's conscious, then it doesn't seem to cause as much problem.
A good spouse will even help out if a person wishes to change a bad habit.

>...  Some people were brought up with very strange
>ideas of what marriage and relationships are supposed to be like, and these
>expectations may be bludgeoned away by the reality of being married to 
>another person...

I wonder if many people have SERIOUS ideas about marriage period.  It's not
taught in schools [in general]; I never encountered it at home [except, of
course, as an observer]; and during courtship, it is shrouded in that cloak
of romance that easily clouds the mind.

>I can't help but think that the entertainment industry perpetuates such
>ridiculous notions about relationships...

Or is it just romance -- which many might consider ridiculous anyways.

Like a sturgeon (GLOOP!), that caviar's mine ...
Chris Warack
  warack@aero.UUCP
  warack@aerospace.ARPA