Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84 exptools; site ihlpg.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!ihlpg!jeand From: jeand@ihlpg.UUCP (AMBAR) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <888@ihlpg.UUCP> Date: Fri, 19-Jul-85 13:01:49 EDT Article-I.D.: ihlpg.888 Posted: Fri Jul 19 13:01:49 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 20-Jul-85 11:51:00 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <591@unc.UUCP> <854@ihlpg.UUCP> <750@ihuxa.UUCP> <2437@sun.uucp> Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories Lines: 30 >>> Having to reject someone is ALMOST as bad as BEING rejected. >>> >> Yes!!! And I still haven't learned how to do it to my satisfaction (ie, >> gently, but clearly--I tend to err on either side ... > > There is a difference between pain and damage. Sure getting rejected hurts, > but I'd much prefer the discomfort rather than the damage to my self-esteem > that comes from pursuing someone who doesn't care enough to be straightforward > with me. > > The word 'no' has never damaged me or led me astray. Saying 'yes' when you > don't really mean it isn't as *nice* as it seems at first. Whoa. I really wasn't thinking of this. I'm talking about different ways to say no. Examples: "Get out of my life, and don't come back." "I'm really flattered you asked, but I'd rather not." Both are an obvious no. Which would you rather get? THAT'S what I was aiming at. > One person's opinion. -bob. Keep 'em coming, then. -- AMBAR {the known universe}!ihnp4!ihlpg!jeand "To those who love it is given to hear Music too high for the human ear." --Bruce Cockburn