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From: amc@whuts.UUCP (COHILL)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: More women than men (making the
Message-ID: <182@whuts.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 19-Jul-85 15:01:08 EDT
Article-I.D.: whuts.182
Posted: Fri Jul 19 15:01:08 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 20-Jul-85 11:58:06 EDT
References: <1031@homxa.UUCP> <26600134@uiucdcs>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Lines: 38

***
***
> A question:  How do assertive people feel about less assertive people
> as partners?
> 
> Dan LaLiberte

Based on personal experience, I think it is a recipe for disaster.
The less assertive person, while initially attracted to you because
you *are* assertive, ends up hating you for it. I've been doing some
reading lately about why couples break up, and the psychologists
have found that this is a classic case, with the women playing the
less assertive role, and the men playing the more assertive role.
  
It has a very predictable sequence of events, too. The woman starts
complaining that she needs "room to grow", etc, while the man is
perplexed and confused at the sudden animosity towards him from his
mate. Woman then starts saying "you don't understand me", and in
fact he does *not* understand, because he is acting the way he has
always acted. In fact, his behavior is what attracted her in the
first place!!!!! Next she joins a women's group "to find someone who
understands her problems", and comes home with the litany of the
radical women's movement, about how men are plotting against women,
etc. He still has no idea what is going on, except that he no longer
recognizes his mate as the person with whom he started.
 
At this point, you are three days from a break-up, unless you can
get a third party (marriage counselor, etc.) who understands what
has happened here, and open some rational lines of communication
between the two people.
  
The general opinion of the women on the net is that men are not in
touch with their emotions. I agree. But I also think that women are
not very good at explaining what they are feeling to men. So we all
need to work on our emotional/communication skills....
 
Andy Cohill
{allegra|ihnp4}whuts!amc