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From: sunny@sun.uucp (Ms. Sunny Kirsten)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Hidden triggers
Message-ID: <2442@sun.uucp>
Date: Thu, 18-Jul-85 16:37:35 EDT
Article-I.D.: sun.2442
Posted: Thu Jul 18 16:37:35 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 20-Jul-85 15:42:16 EDT
References: <202@pttesac.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
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> Here's another phenomenon I'd like to see discussed on the net.
> 
> A year ago a colleague at work suddenly announced that he was
> divorcing his wife.  He had met another woman, and was now truly
> in love.  Eventually I got to see his new woman.  She had a
> strikingly strong resemblance to his wife.  He was surprised
> when first told about the resemblance.
> 
> At that time my marriage was a mess and divorce was already
> agreed upon.  I finally got separated 3 months ago and soon
> started dating.  Last weekend I met a girl I really fell for.
> Her name happened to be the same as my wife's.  Later a friend
> of mine who knows both my wife and this girl remarked about the
> similarity between the two.  I hadn't noticed.  But now that I
> think about it, they have about the same shape.  Maybe there are
> more similarities between the two than I realize.
> 
> If this is a common occurrence then perhaps there are hidden
> "triggers" in a potential SO's looks that we are unaware of.  I
> mean a certain type of nose or a certain curve of the spine.
> Things that we are not aware of.

or characteristics which remind you of mother when she was young...

just as many women want to grow up and mary a man just like daddy.  

Everyone carries around in their head a template of what their perfect mate
(the knight in shining armor on the white horse, or the fair maiden) should
look like, act like, and how they should relate.  Shopping for a mate is
going around trying this template on everyone of the appropriate sex you meet,
hoping to find a match, and then trying to convince them that if they'll do
their best to be like your template, you'll do your best to be like their
template, and the two of you will live happily ever after.  Of course, this
agreement prevents either of you growing ever after.  This leads to either
premature death (to live is to grow) of the spirit, or to eventual breakup when
one or the other gets fed up with the game of "let's pretend to be each others'
ideal" and insists on growing (out of the relationship).

The way to make a relationship work is to love the other for what they are, and
set them free to grow, believing in the constancy not of their looks
(which fade with age), nor your mutual sex life (which also reaches a point
of change when your hormones cut out), but instead believing in the inherant
goodness and love of the spirit inhabiting the body whom you call your mate.

			What qualities of your mate
			will you still love,
			when they're 64?

				Sunny

-- 
{ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunny (Ms. Sunny Kirsten)