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From: cassidy@fluke.UUCP (Rion Cassidy)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Aggressiveness
Message-ID: <835@vax2.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 18-Jul-85 11:26:57 EDT
Article-I.D.: vax2.835
Posted: Thu Jul 18 11:26:57 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 21-Jul-85 02:32:09 EDT
References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <816@ihlpg.UUCP> <190@bcsaic.UUCP>
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> In article <816@ihlpg.UUCP> jeand@ihlpg.UUCP (AMBAR) writes:
> >Perhaps this has been hashed to death before, but I'm going to ask anyway:
> >What reactions do the netters here have to aggressiveness/lack of same in 
> >women?
> 
> Aggressive/assertive women are the only interesting kind.  Also, one
> doesn't have to wonder if she's being hurt (or whatever) by something;
> you find out then, and not later, when she inexplicably wants to break up...
> 
> 							stan shebs

Before everybody gets engrossed in a discussion on this topic, I think we
should all realize that aggressiveness and assertiveness are NOT the same, nor
are they even loosely regarded as synonyms (at least by those that are into
psychology).  The above articles seem to take the attitude that there is no
difference.

I don't have a Phd in psychology, nor do I claim to be an absolute authority
on the subject, but for the sake of the undoubtedly ensuing net.discussion, I
will try to make a distinction.

My definition of assertive is the desire and motivation to stand up for what
one believes in, insist on one's rights (civil and personal), and effectively
express feelings without violating anyone else's rights.  An example of
assertive behavior would be politely telling your auto mechanic that you
really don't believe he spent three hours installing a new carbuertor on your
car and if he doesn't modify his fee, your going to take him to small claims
court.

Aggressive behavior is similar, but only to the extent that an aggressive
person is going after what he wants.  Aggressiveness is basically doing
whatever it takes to get what you want, regardless of who's toes you step on
or how hard you step on them.  An aggressive person in the above axample would
do something like grab the mechanic by the shirt collar, yell obscenities, try
to be extremely intimidating, and possibly make threats against the mechanic's
family's well-being.  

Unfortunately, the distinction cannot always be made so easily in everyday
situations.

Rion Cassidy