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Path: utzoo!watmath!jagardner
From: jagardner@watmath.UUCP (Jim Gardner)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Question of the hour. (good :-))
Message-ID: <15863@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 21-Jul-85 16:57:47 EDT
Article-I.D.: watmath.15863
Posted: Sun Jul 21 16:57:47 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 22-Jul-85 06:54:49 EDT
References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <timeinc.291> <595@unc.UUCP> <748@ihuxa.UUCP> <15776@watmath.UUCP> <751@ihuxa.UUCP>
Reply-To: jagardner@watmath.UUCP (Jim Gardner)
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 50

< . . . >

Hi Gypsy, et al.
On the subject of aggressiveness and my posting
(lengthy) suggesting taking little steps instead
of one giant plunge, and your reply:

>It seems that Linda has misinterpreted what I
>was saying, no? When I use the word *initiative*
>I didn't mean to imply sex, only sex and nothing
>but sex.

I'm sure you didn't. I hope I didn't so much
misinterpret your posting as I did use it as
a starting point for discussion of an issue
I wanted to tackle. I believe that my suggestions
about "step-wise refinement" generalize, by
the way, to most kinds of initiative and intimacy.

I note, for instance, that a recent Ann Landers
(or was it Abby?) column dealt with a young woman
put in the embarrassing position of turning down
a proposal of marriage, almost publically. The
young man invited her to his family's home for
the weekend of her twenty-first birthday and
unexpectedly presented her with an heirloom
ring. I'm sure that everyone concerned was
hurt and distressed when she had to say "no".

But my point is that here, too, he leapt in.
She apparently had *no idea* marriage was in
the air, and believes she gave him no reason
to suspect otherwise. So some seriously crossed
signals lead to pain. But if the situation is/was
as portrayed in the letter, he jumped in with
a real "big move" without covering any of the
ground leading up to it (increased intimacy,
discussions of a future together, exploration
in compatibility, etc.). Oops!

No matter how promising a relationship looked,
I'd have trouble saying "yes" to a proposal
under those circumstances!

Nice to hear from you, Gypsy. No misinterpretation
intended. But it was something I had to get off
my chest in the context of net.singles.

			 Linda Carson
			 (recently domesticated)