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From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: More women than men
Message-ID: <2601@randvax.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 19-Jul-85 01:36:11 EDT
Article-I.D.: randvax.2601
Posted: Fri Jul 19 01:36:11 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 22-Jul-85 08:25:56 EDT
References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <291@timeinc.UUCP>
Reply-To: edhall@rand-unix.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica
Lines: 60
Keywords: sex, attitudes
Summary: Worlds apart

> Assume that you are on a date with a very attractive MOTAS. Things have
> been going well all evening (you didn't spill anything on yourself, your
> deoderant seems to be working, etc.).  You invite the MOTAS back to
> your place.  Let's assume this is a first date.
>
> You decide that you like the potential MOTAS quite a bit, in fact
> you wouldn't mind snuggling a bit, maybe even getting on to the
> dirty deed.

``Dirty deed''?  Jeesh!  You mean right there on the carpet?

You were doing fine, there, Ross, but I simply cannot relate to calling
sex a ``dirty deed''.  I'm no prude--I've had sex on the first date
before (and found it mutually satisfying, even!), and I've had lots
of dates and no sex.  But ``dirty deed'' doesn't compute.

> So what do you do?

It's just like crossing the street.  You [mentally] stop, look, and listen.
Eye contact and quiet conversation.  (This is no time to be sitting side-
by-side on the couch staring into space--or at television :-) ).  Focus
on your partner--are they relaxed, interested, do they have a
friendly posture?  Look into their eyes.  Listen to your own feelings.

Don't force the issue.  You'll probably be pretty sure whether physical
contact is appropriate or not.  It's not like you have to make ``moves''
to ``test'' anything.  Simple communication--verbal and visual--should
suffice.  And a simple touch--not a clenched embrace and a deep kiss--
often gets you the rest of the story.  If she dosn't do it first, that
is...  Then, continue to play it by ear (i.e. keep listening, in the
broad sense).

> If you are a man, generally speaking, you attempt a kiss or other
> physical contact.  If you get rebuked, then oh-well.....
>
> If you are a women, generally speaking, you decide that if the guy
> that you are with attempts a kiss or other physical contact, that you
> won't rebuke him!  Big risk, eh?

If things are really still this impersonal, how could there be much
feeling involved even if she decides that your ``dirty deed'' is OK?
I don't know about you, but it is the emotional high from a shared
moment of intimacy that keeps me smiling for days, and not the mere
fleeting pleasure of the physical act.

I suppose that there are women who will just sit there and give
absolutely no indication of what they are feeling.  But I've yet to meet
one.  Fer gosh sakes, she's a person just like you are!

> Now I'm certain that at least one person at there will tell me about
> the time that the women they were with jumped on them, or about the
> time that they made the first move to the man.

Nope.  I won't ``kiss and tell''.  But I'll give you a hint: a good part
of the time I'd be hard-pressed to say who made the ``first move''.

> Ross M. Greenberg  @ Time Inc, New York

		-Ed Hall
		decvax!randvax!edhall