Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site utcsri.UUCP Path: utzoo!utcsri!ray From: ray@utcsri.UUCP (Raymond Allen) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <1281@utcsri.UUCP> Date: Tue, 23-Jul-85 14:23:58 EDT Article-I.D.: utcsri.1281 Posted: Tue Jul 23 14:23:58 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 23-Jul-85 14:34:24 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <591@unc.UUCP> <854@ihlpg.UUCP> <750@ihuxa.UUCP> <363@/g> Reply-To: ray@utcsri.UUCP (Raymond Allen) Organization: CSRI, University of Toronto Lines: 32 Summary: In article <363@/g> chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen) writes: > > My advice: be firm, honest, and compassionate. And stick by your decision >once you have made it. > > Chris Andersen Quite true. The only note I would add to this is that one should, in the course of making your feelings known, always be sensitive to the other person's feelings as well. By all means AVOID UNNECESSARY RATIONALIZATION. There is nothing worse then someone who says "I'm not interested" and then proceeds to provide a 10,000 word monologue as to WHY they're not interested. Before all of you in net-land say: "But what if the rejectee asks for an explanation?" I will add that you should still keep it short and sweet. Elaborate but be careful. Usually the other person will try to pick at points of your argument in an attempt to get you to change your mind. If you really have been honest up to this point then continue to be honest -- but not insulting. The reason I make this point is that there are too many people out there who use an opportunity to explain their position as a carte blanche to insult, maim, destroy and otherwise A-bomb another. Don't become someone who says: "I won't go for coffee with you because you're stupid, boring, ugly, fat, ignorant, and a cretin. Its nothing personal mind you. I'm just telling you what I think FOR YOUR OWN GOOD." (emphasis mine). (I think my Freud just slipped) Ray Allen utcsri!ray