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From: pooh@ut-sally.UUCP (Pooh @ the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no"
Message-ID: <2459@ut-sally.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 23-Jul-85 23:50:08 EDT
Article-I.D.: ut-sally.2459
Posted: Tue Jul 23 23:50:08 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 26-Jul-85 00:13:43 EDT
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Organization: U. Texas CS Dept., Austin, Texas
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> > > I'm a (almost totally) self-actualized individual and I   <--- from me.
> > > KNOW that my emotions are my own CHOICE.  Yes,
> > > folks, choice.  
> > 
> > Okay, Julie, this is great for you--but do NOT decide
> > for someone else that his emotions are his own choice.
> > 
> > Pooh
> > 
> 	Sorry, luv.  If you give someone else responsibility for and
> control of your actions and reactions (EMOTIONS, is what I'm talking
> of) then you are living through them, not through yourself.  If this
> is what you want, then it is your choice.  (gee, there's that word
> again.)

Bull paddies.  I argue that no one has complete control of
his or her emotional reactions, and moreover, that it is unhealthy
to seek control.  It is normal to react to the actions of
another--and if you call that "living through" him/her, fine.

What disturbs me most about this school of thinking that
you appear to be espousing is that when you claim Joe has
complete responsibility for his emotions, you are freeing yourself
from any responsibility for them, thereby leaving yourself
free to hurt him with impunity.  I believe that TO A CERTAIN
EXTENT (limits subject to debate), we are all responsible
for the feelings of our fellow humans.  Becoming involved
in a relationship means assuming (willingly) more responsibility
for your partner's feelings and emotional welfare.

Disclaiming or rejecting responsibility for the effect your
actions have on someone's emotions may make yourself feel
better (and more able to become The Best Person You Can 
Possibly Be), but it strikes me as selfish and insensitive.

> 		Gypsy (Julie Hoff)  ...ihnp4!ihuxa!hoff

Pooh

pooh@purdue-ecn-cb.ARPA           pur-ee!pooh

Still fighting for the big issues--
  in my small, individual way. . .