Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!lll-crg!dual!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-curium!jackson
From: jackson@curium.DEC (Seth Jackson)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Dealing with rejection
Message-ID: <3263@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 24-Jul-85 10:10:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: decwrl.3263
Posted: Wed Jul 24 10:10:15 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 26-Jul-85 02:11:41 EDT
Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
Lines: 45

>	No one can make you feel (emotional) pain (or any other type of
>feeling for that matter).  Only YOU can make this happen.
> 
>	To expand a little upon this.  Consider the on-going example of
>rejection:  If someone turns you down for a date (or tumble in the hay, etc.)
>you will only feel hurt under specific and, unfortunately all too common,
>circumstances.  Specifically, YOU CHOOSE to internalize the rejection
>as a personal affront to your integrity (or sex appeal, or virility,
>or intelligence, or whatever).  Next, good old rationalization take over.
>The result?  Pain (and/or anger, depending upon your personality).
> 
>	This rather self-destructive process gets its start from the
>fact that *you* chose to relate the rejection with your self-image.
>The only way to stop this is to change your self-image and your
>(usually) knee-jerk reactions to these situations.  Everyone should,
>from time to time, take stock of their self-image.  Even training yourself
>to stop and carefully analyze situations that are potentially painful
>BEFORE the pain begins is a useful tactic.
 
This all sounds so wonderful, except for the fact that it's largely
a crock of bull-cah-cah. When I am rejected, I do NOT *choose* to 
feel pain. If I could choose what I felt, pain certainly would not 
be my choice. Yet I feel pain, anyway.

You see, emotions do not follow the clear concise logic that you 
would like them to follow. You make it sound so simple, like,
tell yourself how you want to feel, and you will feel that way.
WRONG! People don't have such perfect control over their emotions.
If we did, we'd all be Vulcans.

Now, despite what I just said, I do believe that there is value in
your way of thinking. It's just that you over-simplify. We *do* 
have a degree of control over the way we feel, and if we realize
this and work hard at it, then over time, we may be better able
to handle painful situations. 

Still, this stuff about "choosing to feel pain" is nonsense. Hey, 
I read "Your Erroneous Zones", too, but you can't believe everything 
you read! 
__

"Every silver lining's got a touch of gray"

				Seth Jackson
				dec-curium!jackson