Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84; site hao.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!woods From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <1655@hao.UUCP> Date: Thu, 25-Jul-85 02:20:59 EDT Article-I.D.: hao.1655 Posted: Thu Jul 25 02:20:59 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 26-Jul-85 02:19:19 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <591@unc.UUCP> <854@ihlpg.UUCP> <750@ihuxa.UUCP> <2390@ut-sally.UUCP> <754@ihuxa.UUCP> Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO Lines: 39 > > > I'm a (almost totally) self-actualized individual and I <--- from Julie > > > KNOW that my emotions are my own CHOICE. Yes, > > > folks, choice. > > > > Okay, Julie, this is great for you--but do NOT decide <--- from pooh > > for someone else that his emotions are his own choice. > Sorry, luv. If you give someone else responsibility for and <-- Julie > control of your actions and reactions (EMOTIONS, is what I'm talking > of) then you are living through *them* [emphasis mine --Greg], not through > yourself. If this is what you want, then it is your choice. THANK YOU, Julie. I'm *so* glad to have someone else say *publically* <--Greg what I've been trying to say privately by mail to several others. I have a problem communicating this to others. My first reaction is to say "suffer if you want to" or in some more stubborn cases, "suffer if you insist upon it because you seem to believe that you *have* to feel bad about this", but that sounds very cold, which I'm really not, and my attempts to help my friends have resulted in a serious deterioration in net correspondences with at least two people whose love I really value. I am just attempting to help them realize that they do not *have* to put themselves through the pain that they have, yet they seem determined to feel rotten. In fact, in some sense they are ATTACHED to feeling rotten, because they get to be right about negative beliefs they have about themselves. Makes no sense to me, since it's so unnecesary. I'd rather be (gasp...) wrong! I guess *I* have chosen to feel a little bad about all this, haven't I? Well, since I know that it's my CHOICE to feel this way, I sure can get over it in a hurry! And it doesn't mean I feel any less for those two people I mentioned. This probably makes no sense to most, including those referred to here, but oh well, it's their choice.... --Greg -- {ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!noao | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!noao} !hao!woods CSNET: woods@NCAR ARPA: woods%ncar@CSNET-RELAY "Comes a time, when a blind man takes your hand, says don't you see..."