Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site tove.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!qantel!dual!lll-crg!seismo!umcp-cs!tove!dsn From: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: who initiates handshakes Message-ID: <277@tove.UUCP> Date: Mon, 22-Jul-85 23:36:52 EDT Article-I.D.: tove.277 Posted: Mon Jul 22 23:36:52 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 26-Jul-85 23:56:44 EDT References: <234@cuuxa.UUCP> <850@ihlpg.UUCP> <698@lll-crg.ARPA> <150@dcc1.UUCP> <444@nbires.UUCP> Reply-To: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) Distribution: net Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD Lines: 54 In article <444@nbires.UUCP> bob@nbires.UUCP (Bob Bruck) writes: > ... >What?! I am not allowed to initiate a handshake with a woman to whom I was >just introduced??? ... > > Bob Bruck Well, it isn't polite. The following is from pp. 79-80 of "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior": * Dear Miss Manners: * * The event that has reddened my face every time I recall it happened * months ago at a semiformal Christmas party. Please confirm, once and for * all, if my action was so atrocious that I should become a hermit, due to * apparently unforgivable etiquette. * * My date and I were introduced to General and Mrs. General in this * way: "General and Mrs. General, this is Mr. A ..."--at which time I * extended my hand--"and Miss B." General ignored my hand and turned to the * lady with me. My open hand was left hanging in midair for what seemed like * an eternity before it fell, shaky but unshaken, to my side. I have been * confounded ever since. * * Does a man not offer a handshake until after his female companion * has been introduced and/or shaken the hand/s of the party to whom they are * being introduced? Am I a bumbler or had I merely run into the city's most * arrogant stick-in-the-mud? My habit has always been to extend my hand * immediately upon my name's being pronounced. * * Gentle Reader: * * If Miss Manners sent you off to be a hermit, she would also have to * send off the general and the person who did the introducing, which would * make it too crowded a hermitage. The proper introduction, with * accompanying gestures, would have been: "Mrs. General, may I present Miss * B ... and Mr. A." Mrs. General then puts out her hand, first to Miss B, * then to you--or doesn't, in which case there is no handshaking. The choice * is hers. Then, it goes "Miss B, this is General Nuisance. General, this is * Mr. A." Miss B decides whether to shake hands with General, and General * decides whether to put a hand out to you, unless, of course, you are * commander in chief of the armed forces and you outrank him. Then, you would * outrank even the women and initiate those handshakes. The point is that the * higher-ranking person--socially this means women before men, except in the * case of presidents, kings, or popes, and the greater age and more exalted * positions before the younger and less significant--either sticks out a hand * or doesn't. The worst error is to pass by a hand that has been extended, * however erroneously. Therefore, the general gets demoted, and you now * outrank him. Congratulations. -- Dana S. Nau, Computer Science Dept., U. of Maryland, College Park, MD 20742 ARPA: dsn@maryland CSNet: dsn@umcp-cs UUCP: {seismo,allegra,brl-bmd}!umcp-cs!dsn Phone: (301) 454-7932