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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!harvard!talcott!panda!genrad!decvax!tektronix!teklds!azure!chrisa
From: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Can friendship go to HUGGING?
Message-ID: <377@azure.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 25-Jul-85 22:32:47 EDT
Article-I.D.: azure.377
Posted: Thu Jul 25 22:32:47 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 28-Jul-85 05:05:35 EDT
References: <406@mit-vax.UUCP> <1306@uwmacc.UUCP>
Reply-To: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen)
Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR
Lines: 48

In article <1306@uwmacc.UUCP> version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/28/84 based on 9/17/84; site azure.UUCP version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site uwmacc.UUCP azure!teklds!tektronix!hplabs!pesnta!amd!amdcad!decwrl!decvax!genrad!mit-eddie!think!harvard!seismo!uwvax!uwmacc!demillo demillo@uwmacc.UUCP (Rob DeMillo) writes:  {gasp!}
>
>My current SO and I both are givers of hugs to old friends. However,
>there was one incident that stands out in my mind...
>
>...as we were returning from someplace or another, we ran into
>a friend (not necessary an old friend, and of the opposite gender)
>of my SO's. A hug between them insued, initiated not by my SO, but
>by her friend. Social mores meant that she had to return the hug.
>I felt VERY uncomfortable, and, as I found out, so did she.

I think you may have left some important information out of your story.
Obviously you and your SO must have been having some strange feelings before
this incident or you wouldn't have been uncomfortable (you say you've hugged
friends before, why should this situation be any different?)

Maybe it's just that you only give hugs to OLD friends and that you are 
nervous when one or the other gives a hug to someone of the opposite sex?
Or maybe you only like when YOU are the initiator of the hugs and not someone
else?  (Note: these are what my impressions are from the above paragraph.  If
they are incorrect, then you haven't made things very clear)

>...a hug is fine for a warm feeling between friends now and then,
>but there is a time and place for everything...use a little 
>common sense and take your surroundings into account.

I agree.  A hug is good therepy quite often, BUT IT IS NOT THE SOULTION TO 
ALL PROBLEMS.  If anything it's more like a tranquilizer.  It helps people
calm down and begin to analyze what the REAL problem is, with a cool head.

If in the situation you were describing above you and your SO were not feeling
good (tired, angry, depressed, whatever...) then don't go along with the hug
(who cares what social morse say we OUGHT to do).  A good friend will realize
when and when it is not appropriate to hug.  If s/he doesn't, then that person
may need to be reminded (calmly, don't blow your head off!)

We're all in this world together and we all benifit when we understand each
other clearly.


Life,
  Love,
    Laughter,
      and Hope,

	Chris Andersen
-- 
tektronix!azure!chrisa