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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: BEING RESPONSIBLE
Message-ID: <1660@hao.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 26-Jul-85 16:18:21 EDT
Article-I.D.: hao.1660
Posted: Fri Jul 26 16:18:21 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 28-Jul-85 06:26:05 EDT
References: <2471@ut-sally.UUCP>
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Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
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> Do not be so presumptuous as to
> expect everyone else to work the same way.

  I expect nothing. I merely point out that "how you work" is your choice.
And since it *is* a choice, you are free to "work" any way you want.

> I would like to see those self-actualized
> people out there try to cheer up a depressed
> friend by saying, "This is all your fault, you
> know.  You could be happy if you really wanted
> to."  

  I avoid use of the word "fault", since that would imply a negative judgment
which is not present. There is a vast difference between "blame" and 
"responsibility". The latter does not involve any good/bad judgments. In fact, 
I *have* cheered up depressed friends by pointing out that it is not necessary
for them to be depressed, and just "being there" for them (which is somewhat
difficult to do over the net, or even over the phone). The key to this is
that there are choices, not good choices and bad choices. It's OK for you
to feel bad if you want to, there's nothing wrong with that. I occasionally
feel bad too. It's just that you don't *have* to react that way to things.

> The only hint of concern for other people that
> I've heard has come from Bruce Israel 

  This is truly unfair and is missing the point. I believe that this concept
is *important*, and it is precisely because I *do* care about people that
I push it so hard. The more people that really see that they have full
control over their emotional reactions, the less pain there will be in this
world.

> includes looking to SOME
> EXTENT after those things that he can affect.
> Like the emotional welfare of friends.

  No argument there. See my last posting.

> 
> Greg, you say that letting someone have complete
> responsibility for his own feelings is not the
> same as refusing any responsibility yourself.
> I disagree.    I think it is a great way to
> kick back and say, "Hey, I'm not responsible
> for your feelings--you are.  I'm responsible for
> me, you're responsible for you. . ." 

  Yes, it *could* be used as an excuse to hurt people, but it doesn't have
to be. Just because I know that I am responsible for my own feelings doesn't
mean I stop caring. People who do this are called psychopaths. Most people
who understand emotional responsibility are not psychopaths.

> If I can choose a
> kinder way of saying something so as to make
> someone feel a little better, I'm going to do it.

  I'M NOT ARGUING THIS! See my last posting, in which I specifically addressed
the issue of the effect one has on others.

--Greg