Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site unc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!mcnc!unc!fsks From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread Message-ID: <27@unc.UUCP> Date: Thu, 25-Jul-85 22:15:52 EDT Article-I.D.: unc.27 Posted: Thu Jul 25 22:15:52 1985 Date-Received: Mon, 29-Jul-85 05:27:02 EDT References: <968@peora.UUCP> <1424@mtx5b.UUCP> Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill Lines: 59 Summary: >> In her book, _The_Truth_About_What_Women_Want_in_Men_, >> Susan Eno explains why some women pair up with tough, superficial, >> uncaring men. She says that women really want a man who is both: >> >> 1) tough, confident, and competitive, so he can protect her >> from the world, >> and >> 2) sensitive, vulnerable and caring so she can feel loved. >> >> It is difficult to find men capable of relating to people in BOTH modes. >> So, some women compromise and choose a man who is only 1), while others >> settle for a man who is only 2). >> But, what women really want is someone who can go either way, >> depending upon what is appropriate to the situation. >> I, myself, am a 2), trying to tack on some 1) characteristics. Chuck Ferrara (somewhat paraphrased): > You mean ALL women want a man to "protect" them? >Although I consider all these attributes to be positive (for either gender), >I don't believe any generalization such as that can be applied to ALL women, >though what Ms. Eno says may be true about SOME women. I think EVERY woman would prefer a man who COULD protect her, should the need ever arise (assuming no tradeoff with respect to the man's other qualities). Some women are just more willing to compromise on this point than on others. Chuck Ferrara: > I get the impression that you want to change so you can find a woman, >rather than doing so to become a better person. If you truly believe that >you will improve yourself by making a change, there is nothing wrong with it >(After all, a better man can attract a better woman). If you do so only >for the sake of finding a woman, it will probably be a superficial change, >at best. You've made a very wise observation. I've already exhausted all the superficial changes I could think of (looks, voice, physique, manner of dress). The results have been uniformly positive, but the improvement is far from overwhelming. I've been working on deeper, more inner strengths, but these take more time and effort to develop. What I'm talking about here are the traditional "manly" virtues such as courage, toughness, and coolness under pressure. On the plus side, any improvement I can muster will not just make me more attractive to women, but make me more effective in virtually ALL aspects of my life. I don't think many women at all prefer a man who appears weak (much less a man who really _is_ weak). I hear a lot of talk about "the new androgeny", but that's all it is -- just talk. A woman loves a sensitive, platonic male friend so she can cry on his shoulder about how crude and insensitive her man has been acting lately. But does she ever think to leave her man for the sensitive friend? Not likely, that might ruin a perfect friendship! Occasionally I run across a woman who is completely fed up with male dominance, male egos, male stupidity, etc. So what does she do? Does she take up with a soft, nurturing, sensitive, compliant man? Heck no! She studies radical feminist politics and spurns men completely to satisfy herself with a lesbian relationship. The "effiminate" man is again left out in the cold. Frank Silbermann