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From: liberte@uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Assertive/less assertive pairin
Message-ID: <26600137@uiucdcs>
Date: Fri, 26-Jul-85 04:20:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.26600137
Posted: Fri Jul 26 04:20:00 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 29-Jul-85 06:06:32 EDT
References: <889@ihlpg.UUCP>
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Nf-ID: #R:ihlpg.UUCP:-88900:uiucdcs:26600137:000:2099
Nf-From: uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA!liberte    Jul 26 03:20:00 1985


>/* Written 12:32 pm  Jul 19, 1985 by jeand@ihlpg.UUCP in uiucdcs:net.singles */
>/* ---------- "Re: Assertive/less assertive pairin" ---------- */
>> A question:  How do assertive people feel about less assertive people
>> as partners?

>So, to answer your question, I am perfectly happy with anything down to a
>75-25, if that's really what both of us are happy with.  Any less input from
>the other person makes me feel that I'm doing something wrong.  ("I know me.  
>I've known me for years.  It's YOU I want to get to know.  Why won't you talk 
>to me?")
>-- 
>					AMBAR
>                    	{the known universe}!ihnp4!ihlpg!jeand

Maybe I haven't been talking because you have.  
The "can't get a word in edgewise" phenomenon hasnt been a problem for
me since I am pretty quick to jump in if I feel there is something to say.
However, some people just need to talk it out without my interruption.
Then again, some people are soo politely shy, they'll wait for an invitation.
"Back to you Dan..."

Maybe there is a difference of opinion on how much needs to be said.
This is my main excuse.  I will often think about my thoughts and feelings 
awhile so as to express myself better - usually more succinctly.  In fact,
I speculate that the silence promotes sensitivity which leads to a psychic
connection and a further reduction of auditory chatter.  The eyes have it.

Maybe, ...  whatelse ...  maybe I was led into the relationship by your
assertiveness, but am not really comfortable pursuing/continuing it.  In
part, this has been my experience at least twice.  It wasnt the
assertiveness itself that I was not attracted to.  Rather, a cummulative
resentment over not being consulted, in a sense, reinforced the impression
that she was insensitive to my desires and didnt care whether I wanted the
relationship.  This is the potential difficulty of being assertive with a
non-assertive person such as myself.

Actually, I am not all that non-assertive.  I'm just very critical
and protective, maybe.

Dan LaLiberte
liberte@uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA
ihnp4!uiucdcs!liberte!{the unknown innerverse}