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From: rance@cornell.UUCP (Rance Cleaveland)
Newsgroups: net.religion,net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: marriage = commitment
Message-ID: <3424@cornell.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 26-Jul-85 15:40:53 EDT
Article-I.D.: cornell.3424
Posted: Fri Jul 26 15:40:53 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 29-Jul-85 08:11:24 EDT
References: <508@ttidcc.UUCP> <485@oliveb.UUCP> <684@lll-crg.ARPA>
Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept.
Lines: 33
Xref: watmath net.religion:7289 net.singles:8276

> > 
> > My experience with "marriage ruining things" has not to do
> > with the "commitment" involved but with the baggage that the culture
> > adds to a marriage.  When two are living together they are equal
> > partners -- if both are working, they expect to keep working.
> > Once married, though, there is the role of the stay at home
> > house wife that is now a possibility.  These things that "hang on"
> > the roles associated with a marriage cause most of the tension
> > that can destroy a relationship that was once "good" before the
> > marriage.
> > 
> >    ..!{decvax,ucbvax}!sun!plx!adams             -- Robert Adams
> 
> Not being married...
> I cannot imagine the kind of "baggage" that Robert speaks of.  I do
> know that there is no "baggage" clause in the marriage license or
> in the vows unless *you* put them there.  Why can't a couple continue
> to both work and seek active careers just as before?  The baggage
> is *your* own preconceived notion.

But people exist in the context of their society, right?  That's Mr.
Adams' point, namely, that despite the best intentions of both parties
involved a marriage can founder because of the cultural baggage (whose
existence, alas, is only half-realized as people pursue "their" thing)
both partners carry.  The baggage is your own preconceived notion, but
where do you think your preconceptions come from?  Self-actualization
(and assorted other modern hogwash) aside, we are creatures of our culture,
and no matter what we want to believe it can be hard as hell to really
free oneself (and I mean REALLY free, not just rhetorically free) from
cultural conditioning....

Regards,
Rance Cleaveland