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From: rap@oliven.UUCP (Robert A. Pease)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Dealing with rejection
Message-ID: <373@oliven.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 27-Jul-85 18:52:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: oliven.373
Posted: Sat Jul 27 18:52:59 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 30-Jul-85 04:56:07 EDT
References: <3263@decwrl.UUCP>
Organization: Olivetti ATC; Cupertino, Ca
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> >	No one can make you feel (emotional) pain (or any other type of
> >feeling for that matter).  Only YOU can make this happen.
> > 
> >Specifically, YOU CHOOSE to internalize the rejection
> >as a personal affront to your integrity (or sex appeal, or virility,
> >or intelligence, or whatever).  Next, good old rationalization take over.
> >The result?  Pain (and/or anger, depending upon your personality).
> > 
> >	This rather self-destructive process gets its start from the
> >fact that *you* chose to relate the rejection with your self-image.
>  
> This all sounds so wonderful, except for the fact that it's largely
> a crock of bull-cah-cah. When I am rejected, I do NOT *choose* to 
> feel pain. If I could choose what I felt, pain certainly would not 
> be my choice. Yet I feel pain, anyway.

Okay, let me start off by saying that if you feel pain at being turned
down  for a date or a romp in the hay or whatever, it is not the fault
or responsibility of the person who turned you down. *YOU*  have  done
something  in  response to the other person and YOU feel pain for what
YOU have done.  What you have done is taken the  turndown  personally.
You did not have to do this.

Now, if you are going to be honest with yourself,  you  are  going  to
have  to admit to yourself that you are the one who took it personally
and no one but you has the power to *make* you take it personally.  If
you don't admit this then you are living a lie.

> You see, emotions do not follow the clear concise logic that you 
> would like them to follow. You make it sound so simple, like,
> tell yourself how you want to feel, and you will feel that way.
> WRONG! People don't have such perfect control over their emotions.
> If we did, we'd all be Vulcans.

Like I said above, you can take it personally or not.  Its  taking  it
personally that lets you feel pain about it.  You do have the power to
decide this.  You have to make the choice.  No one can do it for you.

> Still, this stuff about "choosing to feel pain" is nonsense. Hey, 
> I read "Your Erroneous Zones", too, but you can't believe everything 
> you read! 
> 				Seth Jackson

And again, you are choosing to do something (take it personally) which
leads  to  your  feeling  pain.  The phrase "choosing to feel pain" is
just a generalisation.
-- 

					Robert A. Pease
    {hplabs|zehntel|fortune|ios|tolerant|allegra|tymix}!oliveb!oliven!rap