Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 (Tek) 9/28/84 based on 9/17/84; site azure.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!mtuxo!mtunh!mtung!mtunf!ariel!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!teklds!azure!chrisa From: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <387@azure.UUCP> Date: Sun, 4-Aug-85 01:21:54 EDT Article-I.D.: azure.387 Posted: Sun Aug 4 01:21:54 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 31-Jul-85 05:30:58 EDT References: <5557@cbscc.UUCP> <591@unc.UUCP> Reply-To: chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen) Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR Lines: 36 Summary: In article <446@nbires.UUCP> bob@nbires.UUCP (Bob Bruck) writes: > >Rather than showing people how to suppress feelings of loss, we should show >people how to accept those feelings and start finding ways to fill their loss. > I think you may have misunderstood here. I am not saying that people should learn how to supress their feelings. What I am espousing is the belief that people can do whatever they wish with their emotions. The simplest and most natural reactions (and probably the most healthy) is to just let it out and thus get over the most painful part first, then use what is left to try to better ones life (ie, prepare oneself against future pain (NOTE: 'prepare', not 'prevent')). However, the problem I see is that a lot of people instead CHOOSE to internalize the emotions they feel. For instance, when a relationship is broken up, quite often one (or both) of the parties involved will internalize the pain and end up believeing that the fault for the failure was theirs. When I broke up with my last SO, I tried to do it in such a way that she would not think that it was her fault. If anything it was more my fault because I pushed the relationship farther then it should have gone. However, I don't blame either of us, because I know that no one was at fault. It was just never meant to be. That's all and nothing else. Strangely enough, I totally agree with what is said above by Bob. Thus I wonder why we seem to be disagreeing over something we agree upon. Life, Love, Laughter, and Hope for better understanding, Chris Andersen -- tektronix!azure!chrisa