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From: tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no"
Message-ID: <1101@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 29-Jul-85 18:15:43 EDT
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Posted: Mon Jul 29 18:15:43 1985
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Julie Hoff writes:
>> I'm a (almost totally) self-actualized individual and I KNOW that my
>> emotions are my own CHOICE.  Yes, folks, choice.  If I cannot handle
>> a no from you, it is my own growing that I had best tend to.  
>
Greg Woods adds:
>   Very well put. I believe that this is absolutely true. The fact that
>after exposure to this concept I was able to turn my entire emotional
>structure around is proof enough for me. This does not mean that I never
>feel bad, but the bad times come less often and last a shorter time than
>before.

Peter Barbee continues:

I agree and disagree (an appropriate beginning for more muddled thoughts).
My feeling is that I can not experience good times without knowing bad times.
Without some pain how do I know what joy is like?

For me, emotions are NOT my choice.  But how I deal with those feelings is.
If you (or a women whom I've at last asked out) tell me no, I could easily
be hurt.  But whether I fade into the oblivion of pain, or walk away thinking
"Another lesson", is MY CHOICE.  I can and do exercise that choice, deciding
to sluff off much of what might be painful.

But deciding to not feel pain can lead to insensitivity, and it can also lead
to times of great pain (as if I were making up for all the sunny days), so
there must be another path - perhaps one where a person uses the pain to
fuel growth, and thus profits by it.

Care,
Peter B