Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site tove.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!umcp-cs!tove!israel From: israel@tove.UUCP (Bruce Israel) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: BEING RESPONSIBLE Message-ID: <292@tove.UUCP> Date: Tue, 30-Jul-85 03:16:56 EDT Article-I.D.: tove.292 Posted: Tue Jul 30 03:16:56 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 31-Jul-85 23:35:39 EDT References: <2471@ut-sally.UUCP> <1660@hao.UUCP> <2504@ut-sally.UUCP> Reply-To: israel@tove.UUCP (Bruce israel) Distribution: net Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD Lines: 42 In article <2504@ut-sally.UUCP> pooh@ut-sally.UUCP (Pooh @ the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen) writes: >> > Do not be so presumptuous as to >> > expect everyone else to work the same way. >> >> I expect nothing. I merely point out that "how you work" is your choice. >> And since it *is* a choice, you are free to "work" any way you want. > >This is exactly what I mean. You believe that "how you >work" is your choice, and that the same goes for everyone >else. I say that you are forcing your beliefs on someone >else. *forcing*? Pooh, would you like to explain that? I hear Greg saying "It is my belief that how you work is your choice." and you saying "It is my belief that how you work is not your choice." How is he forcing his beliefs on anyone else? How is your position not forcing your beliefs on others? > >I would argue that you did much more for them by being >there and NOT questioning their feelings (just accepting >them, not saying "you could be doing this another way") >than by pointing out that their feelings are "unnecessary." It depends on how you do the pointing out. It is very easy to do it in an insensitive, unfeeling, uncaring way (i.e. "Hey dummy, stop complaining! After all, you CHOSE it!") but it is also possible to do it in a supportive, caring way (i.e. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe you are reacting this way because you are reading into the situations, and may not necessarily be true?") I've usually found that working straight on the level of the emotions doesn't really work well (though sometimes it does), but tracing them back to beliefs that aren't necessarily true usually works better, at least for me. I agree with you that pointing out their "responsibility" as blame doesn't work (Of course if you are doing that, then you aren't doing it from caring, but instead are doing it to be right.) -- Bruce Israel seismo!umcp-cs!israel (Usenet) israel@Maryland (Arpanet)