Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.9 3/12/85; site unisoft.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!qantel!dual!unisoft!tim
From: tim@unisoft.UUCP (Tim Bessie)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: yeah! what this person said!
Message-ID: <523@unisoft.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 31-Jul-85 15:45:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: unisoft.523
Posted: Wed Jul 31 15:45:46 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 3-Aug-85 03:13:06 EDT
References: <735@lll-crg.ARPA> <1742@reed.UUCP>
Reply-To: tim@unisoft.UUCP (Tim Bessie)
Distribution: net
Organization: UniSoft Systems, Berkeley
Lines: 59

In article <1742@reed.UUCP> purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva) writes:
>In article <735@lll-crg.ARPA> bandy@lll-crg.ARPA (Andrew Scott Beals) writes:
>
>>My sentiments exactly, unnamed personobject... Babble babble babble all you
>>want about Hugs and whatnot and you'll never get anywhere. Making special
>>situations for things that should be spontaneous is silly.
>> ...
>>you would buy tickets to go to someplace convienent (Newark springs to mind
>>(or O'Hare)) and MEET each other and act out all these huggy-cuddly warm-fuzzy
>>fantasies that you're having about each other.
>
>special situations for things that should be spontaneous. On the other 
>hand I don't think that we were doing that at all.
>    Second, it seems to me that you are reducing the value of a hug to
>something on the order of sentimental, cutesy or childish. At the risk
>of sounding like an idealistic flower-child or an aspiring second-rate
>poet, I think that hugs are very necessary and important. People need
>that kind of physical contact.
> ...
>then either I have still expressed myself badly, or we just have very
>different opinions about this.
>
>   elizabeth g. purtell
>
>   (Lady Godiva)

Both of you make good points.  I think that the tons of articles posted
about exactly what one must do when a particular situation arises IS
silly.  I also believe that this kind of thing HAS been talked about, too
much in fact.  Yes, its nice to hug people and be hugged, to love and
be loved.
     Yet, I have found that most of the technical people I know who
talk about this a lot (eg. saying how free they want to be with their
hugs and affection, etc.) are the ones who are most hypocritical about it.
Its not concious, of course.  As I mentioned in a previous article, they
are fighting the coldness of their adolescence, trying to escape from the
prison they locked themselves in.  For this, I have to respect them.  I
myself have been trying to change the way I think about the world in order
to LIVE, to be more human.
     The problem I find, though, is that lots of the people I know who are
trying to become warmer, more caring people do so by concentrating, again,
on cicumstances... the outward trappings of what a warm, caring person
is to them.  Deep inside, there is SOOOO much insecurity, fear, neediness,
rage, confusion... it scares me, sometimes, seeing how uncomfortable
these people are with themselves, trying to change themselves mainly by
changing the way they act, not by digging deep down to how they feel about
themselves, which is where real, long-lasting change comes from.
     But that's just it... they CHANGE, but don't GROW.  I suppose if
growth is too scary that change, in any direction, is better than none.


	==============================================================

                   There's nuthin' sadder'n a wet troll.
                              - The Outlandish Wizard

---> Tim Bessie ----- {ucbvax,dual}!unisoft!tim
---> Unisoft Systems; 739 Allston Way; Berkeley, CA 94710
---> (415) 644-1230   TWX II 910 366-2145