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From: djw@lanl.ARPA
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "yes"
Message-ID: <29114@lanl.ARPA>
Date: Thu, 1-Aug-85 19:54:05 EDT
Article-I.D.: lanl.29114
Posted: Thu Aug  1 19:54:05 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 3-Aug-85 07:04:10 EDT
Expires: Thu, 15-Aug-85 02:00:00 EDT
References: <none>
Reply-To: djw@a.UUCP (David Wade)
Followup-To: net.singles
Organization: Los Alamos National Laboratory
Lines: 44
Keywords: "want", "need", "love"
Summary: Gawdaful mishmash of "paperback psychology"

It's been a while since I wanted to post anything, especially to a group
like this one... But:

If you honestly believe that you control your emotions,  please do me a
tiny favor.  Go see "The Red Dawn" or "Lassie, come home" and enjoy them.
Try not to cry... or "Tank", the new James Garner comedy.  If you can
watch these movies without any emotional involvement, the movie-makers have
been wasting their money on you.  But, I suspect that they haven't.

Perhaps this means that we aren't talking about the same thing when "you
say that you can 'control' your emotions"?  If we are; I truly believe
that many people can control their emotions to the extent that they aren't
"involved" in what is happening.  That is: I cry when the children in
"The Red Dawn" are successful at "fighting back".  And; I cried when I
finally realized that there was no way that I could overcome my SO's
ennui in our 19-year marriage - and her excitement at discovering that
she was an attractive, desireable, woman who only had to say "yes" to
have lots of fun.

Because I can not control my "patriotism", and can control my "rage",
I question whether I should be proud of being "in control".  I am ashamed
that an emotion can sneak up on me ( patriotism ), and I am ashamed that
I don't feel the "rage" ( Jealousy & Loss, but very little rage... ).

I don't believe that you control your emotions,  I believe that you
control your facade...  You "must" control the image you present to the
world, but you can't control your response to the image the world presents
to you ( without serious emotional harm ).

And if I cry at a movie, can you ignore that and think of me as a strong,
sensitive, person who lives in the mountains?  Or; must you categorize me
as a fat, silly, old man who's spent too much time in the hills away from
people?

I guess I'm asking which way you'ld like your answer,  would you "love"
a cold fish who can turn his emotions on and off "like a switch"?  Or;
would you "hate" a wimp who was always whining and blubbering about
"sensitivity"?

If I ever get around to asking:  which answer will hurt me more?  I don't
believe that you could hurt me with your "no" unless I were in some way
involved with you.  Without your "yes", your "no" has no power over me.

Dave Wade