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From: rdh@sun.uucp (Robert Hartman)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: "Surprise" Breakups
Message-ID: <2553@sun.uucp>
Date: Fri, 2-Aug-85 17:33:47 EDT
Article-I.D.: sun.2553
Posted: Fri Aug  2 17:33:47 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 4-Aug-85 10:44:07 EDT
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Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
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> >Exactly. I am so tired of women whining about how men can't fulfill
> >their "needs", and they are in fact unable or unwilling to express
> >them. ...

I thought that *men* were fameous for this :-)  Maybe women are unwilling to 
deal with our defensive (read potentially hurtful) reactions to bad news?

> >This gets me POed too!  Before my wife left me  I  had  no  idea  that
> >there  was  any  problems  between  us. ...  

Well, one could *ask*, once in a while, and be ready to deal with an honest 
answer. 

> I have found that "gripe meetings" are a good solution to this problem.
> Early on in a relationship you agree to a weekly scheduled "meeting"
> in which you spend some time talking about problems ...

I like the idea of setting up a safe context in which to air bad (and good!)
news.  Unfortunately, I have a hard time believing that bad news is amenable
to a regular schedule.  A regular session for getting practice at conveying 
and accepting needs, desires and suggestions, in a supportive way, 
is probably a good thing.  But if it turns into a regularly scheduled 
trashing, who needs it!

> In addition to the weekly meetings, the following "rule" is
> also helpful: whenever there is something that is really bothering
> one of the people, they can "call a meeting" ...

If you are interested enough in someone to hear what they have to say,
eventually the need for "practice", and for a "schedule", should go away. -bob.