Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site tove.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!umcp-cs!tove!israel From: israel@tove.UUCP (Bruce Israel) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Hurting the other by a "no" Message-ID: <300@tove.UUCP> Date: Sat, 3-Aug-85 16:27:09 EDT Article-I.D.: tove.300 Posted: Sat Aug 3 16:27:09 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 4-Aug-85 20:17:47 EDT References: <2459@ut-sally.UUCP> <759@ihuxa.UUCP> <2522@ut-sally.UUCP> Reply-To: israel@tove.UUCP (Bruce israel) Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD Lines: 36 In article <2522@ut-sally.UUCP> pooh@ut-sally.UUCP writes: > >The next time you comfort a friend in pain by saying, >"You just WANT to feel hurt," ask him/her if s/he thought >you were being considerate and sensitive. Just because a person is responsible for their own emotions doesn't mean that bluntly pointing it out to them is what is going to comfort them. Would you comfort a friend who was raped by pointing out that "Hey, You were walking in a bad neighborhood!"? It's true, but its not what would work for comforting them. Under certain circumstances it may be appropriate to get them to see how they have choice in the situation, but even then it isn't done by bluntly telling them that. >It's dealing with the emotions in an appropriate fashion >that is desirable, NOT talking yourself out of them. I couldn't agree more; I've never advocated "talking yourself" out of feelings. >> b) I think you just put ALL psychologist/psychiatrists >> out of work, I wonder if they know that. > >Nope--there's a lot more to be done with feelings even if >you let them be. Some self-actualization teachers may be >out of work, though. . . Don't be so quick to say that there is nothing of value in this, unless you can say that from personal experience. And even then all you would really be saying is that there was nothing of value there for *you*. -- Bruce Israel seismo!umcp-cs!israel (Usenet) israel@Maryland (Arpanet)