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From: rlr@pyuxd.UUCP (Rich Rosen)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Mike O'Brien on 'human potentialists'
Message-ID: <1418@pyuxd.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 3-Aug-85 14:45:23 EDT
Article-I.D.: pyuxd.1418
Posted: Sat Aug  3 14:45:23 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 6-Aug-85 10:14:25 EDT
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> I've had to re-examine
> my feeling about this topic and I've still come back to the firm conclusion
> that I refuse to be responsible for others feelings. [ROXANNE CLINTON]
> 
> Imagine the kind of burden I would have to bear if I felt responsible
> for everyone's feelings! I'd like to know where you draw the line
> when taking on this kind of responsibility, do you limit it to family
> and close friends, or do you include your co-workers too. 
> "Joe my afternoon was all f**ked up 'cuz you did'nt sit with me
> lunchtime" "Geez, Joe I'm sorry..If I had known..If I had......"
> This taking responsibility stuff sounds so magnanimous. 

I don't think you listened closely to what Mike and I had to say.  It's
NOT a binary "I'm not responsible for my feelings, therefore someone else
is".  How about circumstances and events throughout your life up until
now result in your current feelings?  Thus, no one is saying that other
people are "responsible" for a given person's feelings.

On the other hand, think about communication for a second.  Communication
is not just you talking, it's someone else listening.  Someone else may
misinterpret your statement based on their current feelings.  IF (and only
if) you care about making sure that the communication comes across
accurately, you try to "re-send", to explain what you were trying to say.
In that sense, you are responsible for the results of your communication,
to a degree.

> I know that just as I determine my future, I am responsible for
> however I view a situation (PLEASE, no net.religion/philosophy
> flames on determining destiny/futures!). I simply will not allow
> myself to be at the hands of anybody that comes along, nor will
> I sit back and allow someone to accuse me of making them feel
> angry/lousy, etc.

Again, it is NOT binary.  Other people not being responsible for your
feelings doesn't mean that suddenly YOU are in "charge of your destiny".
(I have a theory that some people hold so strongly to the notion that
they DO control everything in their lives precisely because, perhaps
in the absence of any belief in a god, they have a need to have SOMETHING
in control, not just the "laws of physics" "randomly" (i.e., very complexly)
weaving the world around them.  Just a theory.)

> I've had a very good friend accuse me of messing
> up her and her friends *entire* night because I had cancelled out on
> them at the last minute. While it could be true that I should have
> given advance notice, or that I should have made more of an effort
> to go, the point is I didn't. Does that make me responsible for
> the enjoyment/lack of of everyone involved that evening??

If your not having given notice was unavoidable, then surely no one is at
fault.  However, if you just decided not to go and not to inform your
friends, that is exceedingly rude and inconsiderate.  Of course, you
would thus "choose" to be inconsiderate, giving others the right to "choose"
to say "the hell with you".  You would then be "responsible" for your
own isolation as a resultof "choosing" not to be "responsible" for other
people's feelings.  Admittedly, a hypothetical example.
-- 
"Because love grows where my Rosemary goes and nobody knows but me."
						Rich Rosen   pyuxd!rlr