Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site udenva.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!nbires!boulder!cisden!udenva!tkoppel From: tkoppel@udenva.UUCP (Ted Koppel) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: When are you really free of your X? Message-ID: <764@udenva.UUCP> Date: Thu, 1-Aug-85 09:06:03 EDT Article-I.D.: udenva.764 Posted: Thu Aug 1 09:06:03 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 14-Aug-85 03:19:13 EDT References: <763@abnji.UUCP> Reply-To: tkoppel@udenva.UUCP (Ted Koppel) Organization: Penrose Library -- University of Denver Lines: 27 -->Also, is it fair to seek a new SO with the other fresh in my mind? -->Would I be fair to the new SO, or is she just a crutch to help -->in recovery from the XSO? -->James C Armstrong, Jnr. ihnp4!abnji!nyssa First, what is 'fair' ? I've recently faced the question of XSO (and the memories of such intruding on current relationships); I have a couple of observations: a. Certainly its 'fair' to seek a new SO...but seeking doesn't always produce results. My experience is that seeking is probably the least effective way of developing a relationship; and that serendipity (Fate, Kismet, et al) does better. Just as there are a lot of males who have 'broken up', so too are there an approximately equivalent number of females. Those women have XSOs to cloud their minds, too. b. [Is the new SO a crutch?] Maybe. To me, the important question is : Do you, JC Armstrong, know what you're doing? Are you in touch with your emotions and motivations to be able to discern whether this is a 'rebound relationship' <> or if this relationship is solidly based. I guess the point I'm making is that only through knowing yourself can you make a judgment about what's 'fair'... -- Ted Koppel : University of Denver Penrose Library : 303-871-3429 {boulder, cires, cisden, denelcor, hao, nbires}!udenva!tkoppel {bilanc, csm9a, elsi, koala}!udenva!tkoppel