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From: barth@tellab1.UUCP (Barth Richards)
Newsgroups: net.bizarre
Subject: TAKRL
Message-ID: <579@tellab1.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 12-Sep-85 17:43:54 EDT
Article-I.D.: tellab1.579
Posted: Thu Sep 12 17:43:54 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 14-Sep-85 06:23:11 EDT
Reply-To: barth@tellab3.UUCP (Barth Richards)
Organization: Tellabs, Inc., Lisle, IL
Lines: 65
Keywords: Doctor Terrence H. "Telly" Fone, TAKRL

I appologize to those of you who have been waiting for all this time for
installment number three of THE AMAZING KORNYFONE RECORD LABEL saga.

To those of you who think this an utterly annoying waste of net time and
space, I say "TOUGH TUMULTUOUS TERRAPINS." (So there!)

So now, without further excuse making:

Part three of a continuing series of liner notes from bootleg albums produced
by The Amazing Kornyfone Record Lable.


     The Amazing Kornyfone Record Label/The Home Of The Klone Of Dr. Fone

                          I Think It's Your Mind

'AH VEE, YOUR VERY BREATH IS LIKE MATCHING MELONS, AND YOUR EYES LIKE TWIN
NILE CROCKODILES," DOCTOR TERRENCE H. "TELLY" FONE WHEEZED AS HE LAZILY
FINGERED THE PRIM WHITE LINEN OF HER "UNION MAID" DRAWERS. SHE SNAPPED HIS
ELASTIC IN APPRECIATIVE RESPONSE, AND POSITIONED HER TRIPOD AT HIS FAVORITE
ANGLE, SLIPPING THE CANVAS WELL AWAY FROM THE CHROME. THE LUMINOUS GLOW OF THE
DOCTOR'S EAR-TO-MOUTH TELEPATHOS COMMUNICATOR ILLUMINATED THAT EVER-ELUSIVE
ORIFICE AS POLLY "VEE" KHLORYDE SLIPPED SURELY OUT OF HERE REMAINING GARMENT.

LOST SOMEWHERE IN THOSE REVOLVING ORBS OF REALITY, TELLY FOUND HIS MIND
SLIDING FAR BEYOND THE ACCOUSTIC TILE OF THE DONAYAWANA MOTEL AND SINGLES BAR
NESTLED SEDUCTIVELY AGAINST THE OUTSKIRTS OF ANYTOWNE, U.S.A. DISTANTLY, HE
RECALLED THE LANGUID AND BITTER SWEET HALFLIGHT OF A YOUTH SPENT HONING
POTATOES ON HIS AUNT CORNELIA'S TRUCK FARM. "ALIAS" HE SIGHED, STARING GROON-
EYED AT THE LOVELY VEE'S MOIST CREVICE, "I YAM WHAT I YAM." IT HAD BEEN NEARLY
THREE YEARS NOW. THREE YEARS SINCE THE UNTIMELY DEMISE OF HIS CHILD BRIDE,
THE RESPLENDENT "PRINCESS," IN THE SHINING YAWN OF A DISTRAUGHT MASTER STAMPER
AND, THOUGH TERRENCE STILL KEPT HER ABOUT, ON THE SNUG SHELF TWIXT FOGERTY AND
FUGS, SHE WAS INCAPABLE OF PROVIDING HIM WITH THE PLEASURES OF OLD. IT WAS
THEN HE MET VEE. SHE PIROUETTED ACROSS HIS MULTI-TRACKED LIFE WITH ALL THE
GRACE OF AN OIL SLICK. HIS DAYS BECAME SHORTER, HIS NIGHTS LONGER, AS THEIR
WORLDS DID COLLIDE. THEN, WITH ALL THE BEASTIALITY OF A DOG LEG, DISASTER
STRUCK. TELLY'S ERSTWHILE RELIABLE MEMBER, AN INK CYLINDER NAMED RAPID, CEASED
TO FUNCTION. ITS FREE FLOW IMPEDED BY A THICK DARK SUBSTANCE. HIS PANTS WERE,
OF A SUDDEN, TOO SHORT. HIS STOOL SQUEAKED AND HIS LONG-LIPPED FRIENDS DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE HIM ON THE STREET. ILLUMINATION STRUCK AS A SENTENCE MURMERED WHILE
DEEP WITHIN THE TRANCE OF A GYPSY HYPNOTIST. "IT'S THE VINYL," HE HAD SAID,
AND INDEED IT PROVED TRUE. UNDER A SELF INFLICTED PHYSICAL, TERRENCE FOUND HE
HAD BARELY TWENTY-FOUR MONTHS TO RELIVE. HARDLY TIME TO FEEL SORRY FOR HIMSELF,
AND EVEN LESS TO CHASTISE HIS ONCE BELOVED VEE. SOON A FEVERED PLAN BEGAN TO
FORM BENEATH HIS FAST FADING FEY FEZ. A PLAN OF CONTINUING THE BREAD AND BUTTER
OF HIS EXISTENCE DESPITE HIS TERMINAL ILLNESS. SEARCHING OUT THE INNOVATIVE
DOCTOR MYEYES IN THE DEEPENING SHADOWS OF A FARFLUNG GOTHAM, HE PETITIONED HER
KNOWLEDGE OF ARTIFICIAL EXTENTION THROUGH THE ALCHEMY OF A NEARBY KLONE BANK.
EXPLAINING THE BRIEF BROWN GRAVY OF HIS SITUATION, HIS SPORE WAS IMMEDIATELY
ACCEPTED AND HIS LIKENESS SET SAFELY ON A PATH OF TOTAL REALISATION. WITH A
MERE THREE MONTHS OF LIFE REMAINING, TELLY ONCE AGAIN LEFT THE CONFINES OF HIS
BELOVED ANYTOWNE, AND THE ARMS AND THIGHTS OF HIS BELOVED VEE, FOR FOREIGN
CLIMES, LEAVING HIS NOW MATURE KLONE IN CHARGE OF MORE PRESSING MATTERS.
EVEN AS WE SPEAK, THE DOCTOR WALKS AMONG YOU.


				       Barth Richards
				       Tellabs, Inc.
				       Lisle, IL

				       "It's the vinyl."
				       Doctor Terrence H. "Telly" Fone