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From: afa@homxb.UUCP (A.ACKERMAN)
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: Re: toothpaste dildos
Message-ID: <768@homxb.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 3-Sep-85 19:40:50 EDT
Article-I.D.: homxb.768
Posted: Tue Sep  3 19:40:50 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 4-Sep-85 07:20:34 EDT
References: <302@ihdev.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 52
Keywords: toothpaste, dildos, mad, OU#1

The following posting does not represent the views of A. ACKERMAN or
of AT&T Bell Laboratories, but those of Bob McIlree, who is STILL
waiting for an account of his own.

*********************************************************************

I t, too have fallen to the preying markieting hype of major consumer
products companies and purchased the so-called "PUMP" model of my
regular brand of toohpaste.thpaste.

I have also experienced the displeasure, discomfort, and other disgusting
feelingds when the PUMP model mysteriously failed to deliver oral gel-based
relief to a mouth ailing of massive consuptionnption ofmption of beer and tobacco
products at a collegue's bachelor party the previous evening.

However, I am inmpressed by the PUMP in one aspect:


I CAMN'T STAND IT WHEN OLD-STYLE TOOTHPASTE TUIBESBES GET ALL MESSY AND
	RUNS ALL OVER THE SINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I am far from a neatness freak. But since childhood, when my
younger systersisters left the cap off the tube for months, with harir and
other forms of life living in and around the tube, I have been repulsed
by the sight of an ugly, twisted toothpaste tube crwlawling with vermin
or god-knows-what. GROSS!!! You expect me to place that shit into my
mouth Mom? Mr. Tooth Decay would have been more welcome.!

Since college, and my own personal tube of toothpaste, the only thing
I was meticulous about other than my studies was to carefully bend
and squeeze the tube such that itit offered a pleasentandt, symetmetrical
shape in the A.M. Further, I was very careful to replace the cap after
each use.

Now, with the PUMP, there is no need to waste time bending the tube
into an acceptable configuration, and there is NO MESS involved when
placing toothpaste on the brush.

Finally, there is very little waste with the PUMP, as one pump only
gives enough paste to fill a modest-sized toothbrush. It sure
eliminates the hassle, expense, and grossness of squirting toothpaste
all over the bathroom during a good hangoverwhile enjoying a good hangover.

Thus, while I do sympathize with your plight, I think I'll purchase
the PUMP model again tin the future.


"speaker to himself"			Bob McIlree
					AT&T Bell Laboratories
					Midletown, NJ 07778dletown, NJ 07778

..houxm!homxb!afa (soon to be corrected, I hope)