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From: inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Time Cadet)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Good News, Bad News
Message-ID: <690@tpvax.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 5-Sep-85 18:28:55 EDT
Article-I.D.: tpvax.690
Posted: Thu Sep  5 18:28:55 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 8-Sep-85 16:13:11 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: The Digital Circus, Sector R
Lines: 63

*** CALL YOUR MOM ***

Here are three GoodNews/Badnews jokes:


				    -1-
			      ==============

Patient:      I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor:	      You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient:      What happened?
Doctor:	      Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
	      you like to hear first?
Patient:      Give me the bad news first.
Doctor:	      Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both
	      of them.

Patient:      That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor:	      There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on
	      your slippers.


				    -2-
			      ==============


Indian Chief: My people, as we approach winter, I have good news and bad
	      news for you. Which would you rather hear first?

Tribe (shouting in unison): The bad news!

Chief:	 Because of the dry summer, food will be short, and we will have to
	 survive the winter by eating buffalo turds.

Tribe:	 What's the good news?

Chief:	 There is an ample supply of buffalo turds.


				    -3-
			      ==============


Guidance Counselor:  Mr. and Mrs. Tirebiter, I have asked you to come in
today because we have just completed psychological testing on all the
students here at Commie Martyrs High. As a result of the testing, I have
some good news and some bad news about your son.

George Tirebiter:    Give us the bad news first.

Guidance Counselor:  Well, our tests have shown your son is a homosexual.

Martha Tirebiter:    That's awful! What's the good news?

Guidance Counselor:  He's just been voted Queen of the May.



-- 
			       Ensign Benson
			       -Time  Cadet-
 
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Digital Circus, Sector R-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_