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From: shaver@isucs1.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Help with MOTOS
Message-ID: <404@isucs1.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 3-Sep-85 11:46:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: isucs1.404
Posted: Tue Sep  3 11:46:46 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 9-Sep-85 01:16:05 EDT
Sender: notes@isucs1.UUCP
Organization: Iowa State University
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Nf-ID: #N:isucs1:47900007:000:2316
Nf-From: isucs1!shaver    Aug 18 23:02:00 1985


[Bug food]

{..."And no, I never said I was the original author of this"...}

Everyone needs a little help when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.
				By:  F. Sahner

Q:  Should I Bring Flowers on a First Date?
A:  It's Much Better To Show Up With Radishes.

Q:  Should I ask for a good night kiss?
A:  No, just go for it.  If you meet her lips it worked; if you meet knuckles
    it didn't.

Q:  What are the words a woman wants to hear?
A:  The words that turn a woman on are:  Vasectomy, credit card, let's eat
    out, flowers, you're the beneficiary, sable, joint checking, you're too 
    thin, orgasm, condo, and here's a present.

Q:  What can I say to impress a woman?
A:  Say "Boris has lost his pet zebra" while holding your tongue.  If she can
    understand what you said, that would be pretty impressive.

Q:  How can I be more appealing?
A:  Women like warm, sensitive, and loving men.  To strike that appearance,
    develop a wistful look, point out cloud formations and carry a book of
    poems wherever you go.

Q:  How will I know when it's love?
A:  Your left ankle will hurt.  Be careful, sometimes and old football
    injury is mistaken for love, and you can get hurt all over again.

Q:  How far can I go on a first date?
A:  As far as you can.  Some women will signal when to stop by breaking you
    thumb.

Q:  How will I know when she wants out?
A:  The following things will happen:

	o  When you go for popcorn at the movie, & she'll change her seat.
	o  She'll sic her dog on you.
	o  When you say "Good night" she'll say "Good-bye, forever."

Q:  How can I make her family like me?
A:  Give her mother a sincere smile, her father an unsecured loan at 5%,
    and her brother a nymphomaniac's phone number.

Q:  Are there taboos after sex?
A:  Yes, don't say "I think all we missed was Johnny's opening monologue" or
    "I'm glad our sex doesn't keep you awake."

Q:  How can I end a relationship?
A:  1.  You can drool you way through dinner.
    2.  You can tell her guys are starting to look good to you.
    3.  You can be a man about it and leave town.

[EOP - End Of Posting]

  /---=[
 // Dave Shaver
<<  UUCP: {okstate|umn-cs|csu-cs}!isucs1!shaver    CSNET: shaver@iowa-state
 \\ [Iowa State University - Ames, IA]    These are my comments, no one else's.
  \---=[