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From: debbiem@rruxe.UUCP (D. McBurnett)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Learning about Life
Message-ID: <291@rruxe.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 11-Sep-85 23:46:02 EDT
Article-I.D.: rruxe.291
Posted: Wed Sep 11 23:46:02 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 12-Sep-85 11:33:03 EDT
References: <29700001@ISM780.UUCP>
Organization: Bell Communications Research, Piscataway N.J.
Lines: 65


>        2) I want to know how all of you feel about the way we
>           treat childbirth in America.  Is it good that most of
>           us have never seen a woman go through labor?  Is it
>           good that most of us have never touched a just-born
>           baby?

If I had observed my two labors as the only examples of what a woman
in labor goes through, I may not have ever had children.  It depends
upon the age of exposure and the kind of exposure, I think.  During
my second pregnancy, I saw a very good movie that showed 6 different
labors, including a Caesarean birth.  This might be suitable in a
high-school sex-education class, but could be unpleasant and even
traumatic for younger children.  I can't really favor "sitting in"
on a live labor, because they can be so unpredictable, and if things
don't go well, very scary.  I had to work up my courage for a second
pregnancy after my first horrid labor, and hoped my second one would
be easier as is frequently the case;  alas, it was worse, and I most
emphatically will have no more children.  I'm glad I've got the two
I've got, but I couldn't go through it again.

I fail to see what the merit would be in touching a just-born baby
that isn't your own.  During pregnancy, I had an opportunity to see
just-born babies;  I didn't feel I missed anything by not touching
them.  My son also got to tour the nursery area at the hospital
before our second child was born.  He didn't seem interested in
toucing the babies, but was interested in looking at them.  He has
exhibited only mild interest in touching his baby sister since she has
been home (and yes, we are basically a touching, demonstrative
family).  I think touching and holding babies that are several weeks
old is more than adequate to learn what the experience is like.  If
you are hungrier than that for the touch of a just-born baby, I
would say you are in need of one of your own.

I DO think that the medical profession has "de-naturalized" the
birth experience to a dreadful degree (though they are not ENTIRELY
to blame;  there was a certain Victorian attitude towards child-
bearing for a long long time).  I was pretty lucky with my
second baby, my obstetricians were very liberal (though not to the
extent of having the baby at home -- but in every other way), but
some are not.  Until recently, the American people have put up with
their nonsense without questioning it much;  fortunately this is
changing and many doctors seem to be responding to it to some
extent.  Unfortunately, it does not seem to be so with educators.

We have shown our son pictures of how the baby grew inside mommy's
tummy (while I was pregnant); explained the rudiments of labor and
delivery and showed him drawings of that, too; and let him hold the
baby while she and I were still in the hospital.  He has heard me
say that my labor with my daughter was difficult and long, and
though I have explained that this is not usual, I have also been
candid with him about having any more babies.  As he gets older,
we will teach him more, so that (we hope) it will not seem quite so
out-of-the-ordinary.  He seems to accept what we have said, is not
disgusted, frightened, or upset in any way.  Maybe all parents don't
do this (mine certainly didn't, but times were also a lot different
when I was growing up), but more and more of my acquaintance seems
to be doing so.  I think it's very healthy, as long as it is kept
matter-of-fact and parents don't go overboard.  I think if this were
coupled with a similarly healthy approach in the schools, we'd have
the fear of and ignorance about childbirth licked for a good long
time.

Debbie McBurnett
rruxe!debbiem