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From: chu@lasspvax.UUCP (Clare Chu)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Your SO's friends and you
Message-ID: <482@lasspvax.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 25-Aug-85 11:18:42 EDT
Article-I.D.: lasspvax.482
Posted: Sun Aug 25 11:18:42 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 27-Aug-85 06:23:25 EDT
References: <467@moncol.UUCP> <5608@tektronix.UUCP> <1084@lumiere.UUCP> <481@moncol.UUCP>
Reply-To: chu@lasspvax.UUCP (Clare Chu)
Organization: LASSP, Cornell University
Lines: 53

In article <481@moncol.UUCP> john@moncol.UUCP (John Ruschmeyer) writes:
>
>Rick Lindsley writes:
>While I can't deny that analytically Moira is correct, I would find it
>comforting to know I rank high in an SO's plans. To be told that I am
>third behind other friends and schoolwork might be a letdown if that
>were not made clear at the outset.
>

  I think the problem is the descrepancy between rankings, i.e. she ranks
  first in your plans and you rank third.  I'd be letdowm too if this is
  the case.

 While I agree that the bottom line is to be there
>when you say you will be, it means an awful lot to me to know that
>someone has made an occasional sacrifice on my behalf -- skipped a
>night of homework, or told their friends "sorry, I'd like to call Rick
>first and see if he wants to do something". 


  My SO is in medical school so I definitely come after his studies and
  hospital obligations but I do appreciate that I rank first in his
  priorities of people, i.e. before his other friends and family.
  He's been very straightforward about this and has cancelled plans with
  friends because I happened to drop by.  In fact I'm getting worried
  that his friends think it's me who keeps him away...I'm the one who
  always agree to go to the picnics or include his friends when we go
  out.  

  Also I feel alot better since I've reorganized my priorities so that
  he's second, since I'm second.  For example, fall break I'm seeing my
  sister, x-mas, my mom, etc.  It used to be that I planned all my
  breaks around him only to have him studying or spending on-call days
  on weekends in the hospital.  He felt guilty and I felt left out.

  I think equity or priorities will help in most cases.
>
It confuses me that a person can go
>out with you and share so much of themselves with you, yet not want to
>make half an effort to spend time with you. Is this the woman of the 80's?
>If so, I may wait for the 90's to come out.
>
>===========================================================================
>
 Don't women perceive themselves as being mistreated by men
>as much as men perceive themselves as being mistreated by women?

  No this is not the woman of the 80's, it's just someone whose priorities
weren't in line with yours.  I wouldn't worry about her.  Just drop her
to third behind schoolwork and friends and find someone else who wants
to be first.

                                     -Clare