Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site unc.unc.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gamma!epsilon!zeta!sabre!petrus!bellcore!decvax!mcnc!unc!oliver
From: oliver@unc.UUCP (Bill Oliver)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: SO's in the medical profession
Message-ID: <234@unc.unc.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 26-Aug-85 19:43:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: unc.234
Posted: Mon Aug 26 19:43:46 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 28-Aug-85 10:52:38 EDT
References: <469@lasspvax.UUCP>
Reply-To: oliver@unc.UUCP (Bill Oliver)
Organization: CS Dept, U. of N. Carolina, Chapel Hill
Lines: 71
Summary: 

In article <469@lasspvax.UUCP> chu@lasspvax.UUCP (Clare Chu) writes:
>  In June he took the National Boards Part I.  As it turns out
>he flunked it.  About a month ago, he called me and desperately
>wanted me to go comfort him.  Now he's studying for them again
>and still wants me to see him.  However he says that if he
>flunks it again, he'll disappear from society--leave his
>parents and friends ( me included)...   Now what am I supposed
>to do?  There really is nothing that I can do except accept
>it.  However he'll most likely pass them and in that case
>he wants me to think about marrying him.  Is this a bit bizarre?
>He says the other medical students are just as hyper has he is.
>One girl fainted at the test, a friend passed out when he got his
>scores...  Anyway I'm sort of in limbo, aren't I?  What should
>I do?  


Now, this is my personal advisement and is in no way a professional one, so
take it for what it costs you :-).

Go to a professional counselor and get help.  A professional
counselor will be able to ask the appropriate questions to
get the whole story about his behavior and has the experience
with behavior under stress to suggest an appropriate response.

So much for the advice.  What follows are my own observations and
should not even be taken as advice, much less as professional advice.
If I were you, I would offer him the choice of professional 
counseling or getting dumped.  I would mean it and I would be prepared
to find another person to share my life with.

The presssure of being a med student isn't any more than that of being a 
physician, just of a  different kind.  If he is emotionally incapable
of dealing with the boards, then he is emotionally incapable (at this
time) to handle being a physician.  What will happen when he screws up
and is responsible for a death, not just a low score on a standardized
exam (as everyone, eventually does)?  If he is so selfish as to 
punish those with whom he is most intimate for his own failure, then
he will continue that pattern for the rest of his career unless he
matures one hell of a lot in the next couple of years.  

In most medical schools, there are counselors who are on faculty just
for the purpose of helping those who are emotionally incapable of
dealing with the stress of med school.  At my med school, it was the
intro psych professor and the dean of student affairs.  Many a 
student went to them with his or her problems, and they offered 
good advice.  I speak from personal experience, having considered
dropping out of school a couple of times.

Perhaps your friend should seriously consider whether or not medical
school is his proper place.  It is no failure to find that one
is not suited for a particular vocation.  The failure is in not
taking steps to make things right.  If  his unhappiness comes
from a distaste for medicine, then things will only get worse.
If his unhappiness comes from dealing with stress, then he needs
training in how to appropriately deal with challenges and with 
setbacks.

Reacting inappropriately to stress is a matter of training and
habit, much like the psychiatric aspects of an addiction.  Like
an addiction, the person will not usually change or seek help 
unless forced to.  If you support his inappropriate responses,
they will simply become worse.  This does not by any means mean 
that you should not support him, just that you should exercise
wisdom in selecting your mode of support.

Don't make a career of being the target for his reaction to failure.
Your life will be miserable.

May God watch over you,

Bill Oliver, MD