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From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: marriage and dreams
Message-ID: <1849@reed.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 26-Aug-85 15:38:58 EDT
Article-I.D.: reed.1849
Posted: Mon Aug 26 15:38:58 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 28-Aug-85 21:02:20 EDT
References: <1082@ames.UUCP> <1847@reed.UUCP>
Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Lines: 43
Summary: 

In article <1847@reed.UUCP> schlick@reed.UUCP (Gary Schlickeiser) writes:
>
>During the time we were 
>apart I thought a great deal about what it was that I would miss most 
>about my relationship with my SO.  It turns out that it is the sharing of
>dreams and goals with her.  There is a real excitement about having a dream,
>talking about that dream with your SO and making that dream hers also.  I
>would miss that a great deal if I thought that our relationship was a 2.
>How can you share dreams when you know that your relationship will someday
>end.

I disagree. Sure, you can't share lifelong goals, but you can share
shortterm ones. You can work on things, and toward things, together.
Just because the relationship is going to end someday doesn't mean that
you can't make the time that you do have together really fulfilling. 
I think that marriage and long term commitments in general are
overratted by society. I'm not saying that there aren't things that you
can get in a marriage that you can't get any other way. There are, and
people who never get married do miss out on some things. But people who
do get married miss out on some things too. It all depends on what you
want. And with the divorce rate what it is, I think that a lot of people
are getting married who should either have waited or should never have
gotten married in the first place. There's too much pressure on people
to marry either because it's the social norm or because they think that
you need to get married to have children.  Some people really are cut
out for marriage, and that's great. But I think that too many people get
married for one of the above reasons, without considering all of the
implications of marriage, and that's really sad. I doubt that I will
ever get married, because I don't think that I want to make that kind of
commitment to someone. If I do, it certainly won't be until I get my
career firmly settled. I want to be a writer, and that's the most
important material thing in my life right now. Becoming a successful
author is difficult enough, I don't need the responsibilities of
marriage to make it even more difficult. After that, if I met "the right
man" then I might consider it, if I thought that I could make that kind
of commitment. If I had doubts about my ability to do that, then I wouldn't
come within a mile of the alter. 

	cheers -

	elizabeth g. purtell

	(Lady Godiva)