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From: matt@oddjob.UUCP (Matt Crawford)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: living alone
Message-ID: <953@oddjob.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 31-Dec-69 18:59:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: oddjob.953
Posted: Wed Dec 31 18:59:59 1969
Date-Received: Fri, 30-Aug-85 09:02:18 EDT
References: <1296@hound.UUCP> <5290001@acf4.UUCP> <140@unc.unc.UUCP> <256@gymble.UUCP> <1828@reed.UUCP> <1092@lumiere.UUCP> <1134@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Reply-To: matt@oddjob.UUCP (Matt Crawford)
Organization: U. Chicago, Astronomy & Astrophysics
Lines: 71

[The following rambles a bit but I have already trimmed
it 40%, so the remainder might just possibly be readable...]

I would like to add my own 2-1/2 bits worth to the group
living/solo living story.  I lived for 4.5 years in a
collective household of seven to eight people.  The group
originally formed in 1976 (4 years before I joined) as a
merger of two smaller collectives, both with active
socialist political leanings.  When I joined none of the
founders still lived there and the politics was somewhat
diluted, but the organization of the house reflected their
outlook a little.  (Example:  monthly house meetings with a
"crit/self crit/praise/self praise" section.)

The system was organized a bit more tightly than households
which some others have described here.  We bought food and
other essentials together.  A good or bad shopping job
could earn a person cheers or jeers for the coming week.
There were assigned chores and a few other rules, but our
principle was that "a structured kitchen allows anarchy in
the living room", meaning that the rules only are made to
take care of things that everyone has to rely on and that
restrictions are not to be imposed on other aspects of life.

Everyone was always eager to have each other's friends come
over for dinner or parties or weekends.  (I think variety
may have been a factor in the roommate selection process.)
Large get-togethers worked well there because of the enormous
common areas, yet privacy was also easy to have because the
rooms were isolated (and the walls were thick).

There were some roommates who just plain didn't work out
for one reason or another.  The stories were passed down
from year to year and always told to new prospective
roommates in an effort to avoid repetition of mistakes or
misunderstandings.

Of course problems would arise from time to time (3 times in
my 4.5 years, I think), problems which seemed to have no
solution unless one person left the house.  The onset of
such a situation usually followed a pattern.  First several
individuals would think that they each were the only one who
could no longer get along with X.  Then they would begin to
talk to each other and find that they were not alone in their
feeling.  During all this time attempts to communicate with
the offending X would meet with no positive response:  things
reach this serious stage when the minority does not realize
or admit that a problem exists.  (When it's the majority that
is oblivious or unwilling to change, the minority just leaves.)
The final stage is a massed group confrontation at which all
cards are laid on the table the problem is resolved, sometimes
by the departure of X.

Eventually it became my time to depart, not through a crisis
scenario such as the above but because things started changing
(I would say deteriorating) beyond what I was willing to adapt
to.  I had been there the longest of anybody and I didn't like
some of the changes that were happening.  The one smoker was
leaving full ashtrays in the living room, almost all the meals
became vegetarian, dishes were often not washed or were
returned to the wrong place and more and more chores were
being skipped.  Nobody but me appeared to mind all of this, so
the answer was clear.  Besides, I was good and ready for a
change after so much time in one life-style!

Now I live by myself, and although it is not so entertaining I
can always find the grater, the waffle iron is always clean,
and if I don't leave a mess then nobody does.
_____________________________________________________
Matt		University	crawford@anl-mcs.arpa
Crawford	of Chicago	ihnp4!oddjob!matt