Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ames.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!oliveb!hplabs!ames!barry
From: barry@ames.UUCP (Kenn Barry)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Living alone
Message-ID: <1111@ames.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 29-Aug-85 13:49:51 EDT
Article-I.D.: ames.1111
Posted: Thu Aug 29 13:49:51 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 31-Aug-85 07:53:05 EDT
References: <1296@hound.UUCP> <5290001@acf4.UUCP> <140@unc.unc.UUCP> <256@gymble.UUCP> <1828@reed.UUCP> <372@rti-sel.UUCP> <1726@hao.UUCP>
Organization: NASA-Ames Research Center, Mtn. View, CA
Lines: 30

>>Although this will probably
>>generate some heat, I do not think love is the prime ingredient in
>>marraige; commitment is. And I think that is part of the divorce
>>problem. Love will not sustain you through the bad times, and if
>>that is all you have, things will fall apart, sooner or later.
>
>And you
>are right: love doesn't get you through the hard times, commitment does.
>Commitment, to me, means being willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make
>it work. This includes "suffering" through the inevitable bad times.
>The concept most people have of "love" does not admit to there being any
>bad times. This "expectation" that a love relationship doesn't include
>any bad times usually leads to disappointment and failed relationships.

	I think I agree with your principles, but disagree with your
terminology. What you are calling "love" is what I would call infatuation,
while what you call "commitment" is much closer to what I think of as
love. To me, love is a fundamentally irrational commitment to another
person which is so strong that it will keep the two of you together even
when staying together seems counter to one's own best interests at that
moment.
	Is it possible that the main reason that the divorce rate is
so high these days, is because people are mistaking what I've called
infatuation for what I call love?

-  From the Crow's Nest  -                      Kenn Barry
                                                NASA-Ames Research Center
                                                Moffett Field, CA
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 	USENET:		 {ihnp4,vortex,dual,nsc,hao,hplabs}!ames!barry