Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84; site hao.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!hplabs!sdcrdcf!sdcsvax!bmcg!asgb!hao!woods
From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Living alone
Message-ID: <1739@hao.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 2-Sep-85 16:58:57 EDT
Article-I.D.: hao.1739
Posted: Mon Sep  2 16:58:57 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 5-Sep-85 08:05:54 EDT
References: <1296@hound.UUCP> <5290001@acf4.UUCP>
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 36

>  	I think I agree with your principles, but disagree with your
>  terminology. What you are calling "love" is what I would call infatuation,
>  while what you call "commitment" is much closer to what I think of as
>  love. To me, love is a fundamentally irrational commitment to another
>  person which is so strong that it will keep the two of you together even
>  when staying together seems counter to one's own best interests at that
>  moment.

  I stand by my original terms and disagree with yours. I think YOU are 
confusing "love" and "commitment". "Love" is an emotion, a feeling. It does
NOT necessarily involve any commitment at all. I have been in several relation-
ships where there was considerable emotional feeling for the other person, but
little responsibility to that person (there is nothing wrong with such an 
arrangment if it is mutually agreed upon). What you call "irrational
commitment" is just what I call "commitment": the willingness to do whatever
it takes. I also don't think it's healthy to think of it as EVER being
"counter to one's own best interests". You choose to have this relationship;
therefore, it IS in your best interest to do what is necessary for it to work.
  I really think you hit the nail on the head in the very first sentence above;
we are only arguing semantics here and not principles. So, why do I reply at
all? Because I firmly believe that my way of thinking about it makes it
seem like much less of a pain in the butt to keep a relationship working
than yours. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that it's a good idea to 
remember that you CHOOSE to make such a commitment; you do not HAVE to do
any such thing. (This says nothing about whether making a commitment is
a good idea or not; clearly that is up to each individual to judge for 
themselves).

--Greg
--
{ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!noao | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!noao}
       		        !hao!woods

CSNET: woods@NCAR  ARPA: woods%ncar@CSNET-RELAY

"Comes a time, when a blind man takes your hand, says don't you see..."